Tainted Love [Black Veil Brides]

Chapter 11

“It doesn't sound stupid.”

“It's my fault, anyway.” I mumbled.

“It is never your fault, okay? Never.” Detective Taylor insisted. I sighed, doubt in my mind.

“Then what?” She asked softly.

“Well, I heard footsteps and voices and then a hand was around my mouth and I got dragged into the erm, alleyway. He hit me and pushed me onto the ground where he, he...” Tears rolled down my face as I remembered.

“Did he say anything to you?” She asked, her face sympathetic. I nodded, silent for a while.

“He, er...said that I was pretty and to shut up when I screamed. He also said that he was going to go easy on me but because I'd yelled, he changed his mind.” I sobbed into my hands. “That's all I remember.”

“You did well, sweetie. We’re doing our best to find him, okay? You get some rest now and if you remember anything else, call me.” She handed me her card before giving me a weak smile and leaving.

I cried harder, my whole body shaking. The door clicked and I heard a gasp. I carried on sobbing, my breathing becoming heavier. I felt two arms wrap around my shoulders and I froze.

 My whole body shook with fear. I began to fidget, trying to escape the arms that were around me. Andy quickly stepped back.

“I'm so sorry, I didn't think! It won't happen again.” Words tumbled out of his mouth as he apologised.

“Just stay away from me.” I begged, hot tears falling onto the white bed sheets.

“Wh-what?” He said, disbelief in his eyes.

“Please.” I breathed. Andy closed his eyes before opening them, pain clouding his haunting blue orbs.

“I'm sorry. So, so sorry.”

*Two Weeks Later*

I was back at home after a few days. I wasn't in any physical pain anymore and the police were still investigating what had happened. I'd been advised to see a therapist but I just couldn't go. I was barely speaking to anybody, I didn't eat or sleep and all I did was one thing.

Cut.

No matter how many times I showered or scrubbed my skin until it was raw, I still felt unclean. I was still dirty. I cried when I should have been sleeping and I knew it was terrible for the others. The guys probably didn't get any sleep anymore but there was nothing I could do. I didn't want to be like this but I couldn’t help myself. I'd convinced myself that it was my entire fault and that if I hadn't been such a slut, it would never have happened. It had truly traumatised me and I felt so wrong.

I pushed the food to the sides of my plate, feeling sick.

“Sweetie, you have to eat something.” CC advised. I didn't respond and instead, I got up from the table, going up to my room.

“Don't...” I heard someone say but I had already locked myself inside, looking for my razor blade.

I dragged it across the skin of my wrist, feeling nothing but pain - just what I wanted. The blood dripped down my arm and onto the floor. I hated this so much. Just when I was starting to get better, I was back to square one. I cried as I grabbed a towel and cleaned it all up.

All this time, Andy hadn't really spoken to me. I needed him so much but he just busied himself with the band or Lauren or something. I pushed him away in the first place. The others were really supportive even if I wasn't cooperating with them. They knew not to touch me because even the slightest feel would set me off. Jake had learnt that a few days ago. I clamped my hand over my mouth, muffling my cries. I climbed into my bed, growing very tired. I couldn't sleep, though. Every time I did, I replayed that night in my head. My throat was raw from screaming so much.

Instead, Andy flashed across my mind. He really had no idea how much I wanted him to just hold me, tell me everything was going to be alright. When the detectives said it, when Ashley said it, it didn't seem real. If Andy told me, I might just believe him. I had told him to stay away from me but I was angry, my emotions were everywhere. Of course I didn't want that. But if he did put his arms around me or place a hand on me, how would I react? I'd scream and start crying, thinking that history would be repeated. I was being stupid because I knew Andy would never do that.

It pained me to catch that look in his eyes as he stared at me. It was something I'd never seen, a mixture of anger, sadness and resent. What he resented, I didn't know. All I knew was that by coming here, I'd caused them all misery. Jinxx, CC, Jake, Ashley and Andy were no longer their usual selves. I never heard them laugh anymore; it was if they were scared to have fun around me, as if I was going to break down.

My eyes closed as I grudgingly fell asleep. A part of me wished that I would never wake up.

*

Andy's POV

Her cries.

Those are what shook me. Every night, I'd hear them from my room. I tried blocking it out but it was no use. I heard them all. The angry, red lines on her wrists panicked me. What if she decided to go too deep? I couldn't lose her, not like this.

She didn't talk to anyone anymore. Her guards were up and nobody was getting in. When I went to sleep, her words reverberated in my head.

Stay away from me.

I didn't know if she still meant it or not but I did stay away from her. It had to have been for the best because I didn't want to overstep my mark and set her off. Even the slightest wrong move caused her to panic. I wasn't blaming her, of course. Rose was in so much pain and she felt so helpless that she had no idea how to deal with it.

If what she was doing helped her, then I couldn't exactly stop her.  Even if I tried, she wouldn’t listen to me. I hadn't told her the amount of hate she was getting. People called her a whore but they didn't know the full story. Saying that, most of the fans were really genuine and heartfelt.  We hadn't been on Twitter for a while; we wanted it to die down. Rose shut herself away most of the time. She didn't eat or sleep very well. That really worried Ashley the most out of all of us. He was protective over her, seeing her as a sister. When he heard the news, he was absolutely devastated.

I watched her as she pushed her food around her plate, earning looks from us all. CC piped up, telling her that she had to eat. She ignored him and ran up to her room. We all heard the cries, wincing as they echoed around the house. We stopped eating and I abruptly stood up.

“She can't go on like this.” I spoke, my voice barely a whisper.

“Don't act like you even care.” Ashley spat as the things on the table shook when he got up.

I looked at him with wide eyes.

Of course I cared.