faith | ✓

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I look down the aisle with my hands fidgeting in front of me.

You left and gave me a new life, do you know that? I hope you do.

Well, I think you do. You know everything. Just like everyone who met you, I got a clean slate too. You gave it to me. With a whole bunch of memories and a new me, you gave me your everything.

You just took our one year, made it yours, and in return you gave me your everything.

Now as I stand at the altar and wait for my bride, I don't see you walking down the aisle like I  expected to. After all, you were in every fiber of me. In the fragments of my thoughts. But still, when the girl I'm going to stay with the rest of my life finally walks down the aisle, looking like the most beautiful thing to ever grace the Earth with her presence, it isn't you.

And it's okay.

It's more than okay.

Because you are the one who gave me this new, better life. Like a blessing.

I still wonder if you had not given your life up just to give me a better future, whether I would have been in ruins. I guess I'll never know.

Because you never gave me a chance. You made sure I would never go through something like that. You, like the ball of sunshine you were, illuminated my world. By sacrificing yourself to the darkness.

I remember you had told me in your letter that I might hate you for what you did. But I never can. Because after so many years, I finally understand.

I understand that you do unimaginable, unpredictable things for the people you love. I would do the same for you.

And you're in the last of my thoughts before I let go of my past for once and for all, a smile on my face, my eyes wet. It feels like being born again. Before I hold out a hand for my bride, my last thought is—

Faith, sweetheart, if I ever got a chance to change everything, if I got a chance to bring you back, I would. And I would live it all over again. The love. Your smiles. The pain. Everything. Because without what you did, I would never be here. I wouldn't be here getting married to the girl who made me realize it's okay to grieve. And that it's okay to take a little time to let go of everything slowly. At your own pace. Without you, I would have never met Hope. She loves me for me. Just like you did. Now, I am what you made me, Faith.

And then I take hold of the hand of someone I am going to spend the rest of my life with. And let go of any thoughts I have of you. I pick up my clean slate. Just like you wanted me to.

I smile.

And for that, I'm eternally grateful.

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