Chapter Twelve

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by Zarry_Socks

by Zarry_Socks

Chapter Twelve

Days seemed to meld into weeks and weeks into months. Memories warping together to form one gigantic scar on Harry's subconscious that didn't seem to be healing. The seasons pass in a blur of greys and reds, of pain and relief.

"Zayn?" Harry choked out.

Zayn merely looked away, ignoring Harry's burning gaze on him. Harry tried to ignore the stabbing pain in his chest, as he pushed back the tears that were waiting to fall.

Harry tried fruitlessly to seek solace in the warm covers of the bed in Liam's guest room. Or his room, as they'd taken to calling it, since he'd first occupied it from that cold night so many months before when he'd come here in need of a place to stay.

"Z-Zayn, I can't do this anymore," Harry spoke, his voice shaking a bit," I'm leaving."

Silence.

"Say something...please." Harry begged.

Liam had been uncommonly welcoming and he hadn't pressured Harry to move out yet or find a place to stay. He'd leave Harry breakfast in the morning and come home to Harry making dinner and they'd watch 'The Office' together.

And it was the closest thing Harry'd had to a friend in a long time.

It was almost...nice.

He just wanted to hear his voice one more time before he had to go. He wanted Zayn to beg him to stay, to fight for him...he needed to know that he, that what they had, was worth fighting for.

Except for the hollow feeling in Harry's chest that never seemed to want to go away. Because at night he'd still have to go to bed with the knowledge that there was no Zayn there, no matter that Zayn had hardly slept with him near the end. At least he'd had the hope to comfort him then. Now he didn't even have that.

Zayn finally turned to look at him, meeting his emerald gaze for the first time in what seemed like a millennium. His eyes were burning with rage but at the same time they held an eeriness to them.

Because it was all over now.

"What the fuck do you expect me to say, Harry?" He said quietly, before turning away again.

And Zayn didn't love him. Didn't even want him. And Harry was still trying to find a way to be okay with that. But fuçk, if this wasn't the hardest thing he'd ever had to do.

"If this is what you want...then go."

And where was Zayn. Did he even fuçking care?

His voice was laced with nonchalance and a passiveness that made him want to cry.

Harry flinched.

Harry didn't let himself think about the answer to either one if those questions.

The last part was said with a sort of finality, and that was all that he needed to know that this was what was best for him, for them.

Harry let out a strangled sob.

Because Zayn made his true feelings for Harry very clear.
And Harry can't live without him but this is what he wants. Harry can't be what Zayn wants.

Even now with his head buried in his pillow and tears streaking his face he knows. This is him giving Zayn the space he wants. This is him giving himself time to heal.

Maybe Zayn will finally be able to breathe again without Harry constantly in his face. They needed this. They barely even spent any time together. Zayn was always gone. They were heading in this direction anyway.

So why did it feel like he did the wrong thing?

"Please just go." He said, his voice was hardly a whisper.

Another choked sob bubbles up in his throat. He knows that he's never going to be okay again. And it's fine as long as Zayn is.

That's what he'll keep telling himself. At least until he believes it.

Zayn didn't even spare a second glance at him as he walked out of his life, the one that they had once shared.