61: prove me wrong

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Day 42. Week 6. Josh was growing stubble on his face and he became nothing more than a washed up man who hadn't showered in days. The pink dye in his hair was faded and his roots were growing in... Tyler loved to dye Josh's hair. The snake that bit Tyler... it kills on average 45,000 people a year. What's it called? The.... common something. Common.... krait? 45,001, actually. Not yet, but Josh was loosing hope. Every passing day was a lesser and lesser chance of Tyler waking up and Josh could feel it. The doctor always told him not to loose hope, and Josh wanted to believe it. It felt like blatant lies. To himself.., he wasn't even sure if he believed it or not at this point.

"Tyler.. I'm beginning to think your not gonna pull through." Josh spoke into the seemingly empty room.

"You better come around and prove me wrong."

That's when josh began to tear up. He wasn't one for crying but, he couldn't help it. Seeing Tyler sleeping was usually the best thing to see. He was so cute when he slept..  but not when he slept for over a month. Not able to talk, not able to love josh back. It was like josh was an insomniac for love. Love deprived. His love for Tyler was endless, and Tyler wasn't even aware Josh was there. He didn't know anything, he was just there. Not really there... but there. That's the thing, there is a difference between being heard and being listened to. When josh says "Tyler is here." He means Tyler is physically here, his body lied on a bed in the room. But... when he says "Tyler isn't here." He doesn't mean Tyler's body isn't here... it's right there. It's like Tyler is so close... yet so far.

Josh talked to Brendon when he felt really bad, occasionally saw him if Tyler was getting work done on him. Only if he felt okay enough. I would say good enough, but Josh never felt anything close to good. Not since Tyler's been in a sleep as deep as death.  He was okay.... ish... sometimes.  Josh prayed. Prove me wrong. Prove me wrong. Prove me wrong. Provemewrongprovemewrong. Who was he kidding? He can't even twitch his finger let alone prove him wrong. Josh knew... he didn't believe love was for him. He'd only ever loved one man... and every time they are happy together something happens to ruin it. First it was Ty's parents. Then it was Jenna. Then Tyler being shot. Then it was Jolie's death. Then this? It was like a never ending cycle... please. Prove me wrong. I believe in love. I hope I can show you what I mean... but I don't believe love is for me. Won't you come around and prove me wrong?

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