Kerosene Hearts

xii. zelda (aged 12)

a/n: All the dialogues in this chapter are supposedly translations from Catonese/Chinese.

23:47
25th December
Man Residence
Zelda (age 12)

The sound of the front door unlocking steered my attention away from my homework.

He's back.

"Hey Dad, you're back," I said as a form of greeting and acknowledgement as I stepped out of my bedroom. I knew he wasn't going to answer me, but it felt rude and weird if I didn't say anything. "I cooked dinner. It's in the microwave. If you want it."

Seemingly intoxicated, he went to sit heavily on the sofa, casting his bag aside. He sighed loudly, the sound dragging itself lifelessly across the small and packed apartment. He turned on the TV, but muted it.

I watched him in expectant silence when he made his way to the kitchen. I heard a pop sound. Two seconds later, he walked out with a beer in his hand and resumed his position on the sofa.

I wasn't expecting anything more, but it still hurt. Though, on a brighter note, at least he didn't throw the food in the trash this time. I could save it for tomorrow.

I went to it narrow kitchen on silent feet, the tiled floor cold against my bare skin. The house was illuminated only by the soundless TV and the warm glow of my desk light peeking from the gap of my bedroom door. I didn't bother turning on the lights in the kitchen when I put away the cold dinner. For a moment, all I could hear was the sound of my mental spoon scraping against the ceramic plate that was holding what was left from tonight. I emptied the plate in a plastic container and put it in the fridge. Lunch was fixed for now.

I gave him another glace after I did the dishes. And then I returned to my room.

We didn't exchange a word. We hardly ever did anyway. It was okay.

(But it still hurt.)

And then something in the air stirred. I froze by the door, anticipating. Maybe he would finally actually speak to me-

"The biggest mistake I've ever made in my life was meeting your mother," he said, his voice crisp clear despite his drunken state, his tone flat with no trace of emotion. "I wish you were never born."

I knew he would never help patch me up when I got hurt. All the scars on my body after the times I got hurt healed without a glance from him. Still, I didn't think he would hurt me like this. So intentionally. So directly. So honestly.

I didn't say anything. We didn't exchange another word. We hardly ever did anyway. It was okay.

Kind of.