The Boyfriend Project | Sulay (1)

Sixteen

"Thank you, Yixing, for tonight. It means a lot."

"Anything for you," Yixing snaked his arms around Junmyeon's waist.

"Will you kiss me or just stare at me?"

"I can't decide, beautiful boy."

"Beautiful boy," Junmyeon repeated and kissed Yixing himself, soon it turned into making out, then Yixing laying Junmyeon down on the bed and taking off his shirt, "Yixing?"

"Yes?"

"I don't think we should..."

"We don't have to do anything if you don't want to."

"I'm sorry, Yixing," Tears welled in Junmyeon's eyes, "I'm sorry I don't want to give you what you want."

"Don't be sorry, it's okay. If you aren't ready that's okay."

"I love you so much. Why are you so good to me?"

"Because I love you," Yixing laid next to Junmyeon, "Why are you crying, baby?"

"I'm sorry, Yixing."

"Don't apologize, I told you it's okay."

"I'm sorry!" Junmyeon cried into Yixing's also bare chest.

Yixing held Junmyeon tighter than he ever had. He rubbed circles on his back, "Shh, it's okay."

"Sometimes," Junmyeon sobbed, "I just hate myself so much."

"Junmyeon, why?"

"Why am I so scared? I don't want you to think I love you any less just because I'm scared. I'm just...scared."

"I don't think that at all."

"I'm scared that you do."

"I don't, I'd love you the same either way."

Junmyeon only answered in sniffles that turned into quiet snores.

~•~

"Yixing, wake up, I have to go to work."

"Junmyeon, are you okay?" Yixing let go of Junmyeon.

"I'm fine," Junmyeon looked down, "I'm fine."

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah, it was just a little blow-up, I'm fine," Junmyeon forced a smile before getting ready for work and kissing Yixing goodbye.

Something definitely wasn't right. Yixing went for a walk to clear his mind. I'm fine ran through his head. Junmyeon wasn't as fine as he always seemed, and maybe everything was worse than what Yixing could see on the surface. Junmyeon was depressed, Yixing decided but wondered if it was even his place to decide. Ultimately, he felt guilty for not realizing how fake a lot of his smiles were, and maybe Junmyeon was trying to tell him all along when he talks about how much he was hurt when Yifan betrayed him.

Or maybe Junmyeon still didn't trust him. Which hurt Yixing, but he didn't blame Junmyeon, he never blamed him. Maybe he wasn't ready for a relationship.

All of this was very confusing to Yixing. He found himself back at the apartment, his apartment.

"Yixing, what are you doing here?"

Yixing shrugged, "I don't know, it is still my house, you know? Is Jongdae here?"

"No, he's not. Is everything okay?" Minseok paused the TV.