The Nerds And The Gang Leaders.

Chapter 28

Her funeral was less than a week later.

I sat numbly with my hands entwined together on my lap, staring blankly at the casket where my best friends body lay.

Jason was speaking.

I should have been listening but I couldn't.

People from school came in, gasped when they saw me but contained any further expressions of shock because it was neither the place or time.

Ms Hanaway sat beside me. She held Mindy's hand but refused to touch me.

The guilt crept inside of me. It stung where our shoulders touched. Mindy tried her hardest to persuade her to forgive me, for being held part responsible for the murder of her daughter, but she didn't say anything.

I was next.

It was myself then Ms Hanaway herself.

When Jason finished a dull round of applause chorused around the court room.

Max placed a hand on my shoulder from behind me. She sat with Tara who tried her hardest to keep her sniffles in.

I stood up and walked towards the front.

If everything was silent before, now it was eerie. Everyone was afraid to breathe, or even make a noise. They gave me cautious looks, as if I could break any second.

I could break any second.

"I am supposed to stand up here and shower Chelsea with compliments. I can't give you a short and cute speech, all I can give you is the cold hard truth." I started.

Ms Hanaway's head lifted slowly, I met her gaze before staring at the crowd in front of me.

 "I watched my best friend's life get taken away, right in front of my eyes. The look on her face as he shot her. My best friend died a hero. She always brought optimism towards any negative situation. I mean, within days of being kidnapped and forced into a gang she was making friends. Everyone was attracted to her and I was so jealous. I know how it sounds, jealous of your best friend. I hadn't felt this burning anger towards her before. But I knew it deep down, the reason I had gotten distant with her wasn't because of our situation, it was because I was jealous."

"Chelsea has always been the better version of me. Sometimes I feel like if I had just worked alongside with her and made friends like she did, instead of constantly putting her down, she would be alive...There isn't a second I don't blame myself for what happened. And deep down I know you're all thinking it. 'Why couldn't that girl have just kept her mouth shut?'. I feel it when my brother hugs me as I cry every night, I feel it when I stare people in the eye that knew her, I feel it when I pass her mother in the hallway. I feel this hatred towards myself for letting her die. I think we all know I could have done something. I should have done something."

I choked on a sob, my body began to shake with tears.

"I-I just hope, that you can forgive me. For killing your daughter, your friend, your sister. She deserves to go in peace. I know I have no right to speak about her in such a way, but she didn't deserve to go like this."

I walked down the steps and gently pushed the doors open.

It was a cold, rainy day and the wind was at its best. I sucked in a large gulp of air and gasped as I cried.

The material of my dress slapped against the muddy ground as I slumped down the side of the building. I shoved my head in my hands and cried.

My best friend.

The only one that ever really understood me. She didn't see me as a nerd, or a dork. She always saw potential and positivity. I would always bring her down. She didn't deserve me. She deserved someone that would never question her, that would stick by her twenty four seven. Someone that would have ran in front of the bullet. I should have ran in front of the bullet. I deserved it.