Quietly Noticed || Lams

Hesitant

Hamilton|First Person

John's apartment is sort of the best place ever. No Aaron, no Lafayette and no Hercules to tease us. Just us. I've been spending most of my time there as of late, coming over nearly every day after class. I don't always get to spend the night though, sometimes class starts too early and I'm forced to go back to my lonely dorm for the night.

Not now though. It's the Friday before Christmas Break, and he promised I could hang out until I have to go meet Daniel to see my aunt Margot. I slightly dread having to spend the holidays with my family, especially since John says he isn't doing anything for them. I wish I could spend the break with him, laying in bed all day, drinking coffee and eating sugar cookies. I grin at the image that pops into my head, making me feel a longing in my stomach for that kind of a life.

I shake the thought away. It's not that John and I can't have that kind of relationship, just that it'd be far too complicated as of right now. There's too much risk in it. We're already pretty careful when I come over, waiting until it's dark if we're going to walk out together holding hands. I try not to let the secrecy bother me, though I know John can tell when I'm upset. It's actually part of why he insisted we have today and tomorrow together.

I don't bother knocking when I reach his apartment. With the amount of time I spend here it'd be weird if I did. I just push open the door and walk in. I usually toss my bag on the couch as soon as I walk in, but I don't have anything with me today. I walk straight past the living room then, intending on finding John and drinking coffee and watching Netflix together. Maybe I can have a little taste of that normal couple life for a day or two.

"John?" I call, ducking my head into the kitchen to see that it's empty. I frown, wondering where he could possibly be. I walk towards the back of the apartment, passing his desk where his brief case sits. "Babe? Are you in the room?" I call for him again, pressing my hands to the closed bedroom door. No answer. I roll my eyes. He's probably got his headphones on or something dumb like that.

I turn the knob of the door and walk into the bedroom that we pretty much share at this point. In fact, I think that's my sweater hanging on the back of his arm chair in the corner of the room. My eyes skim over the room, landing on a lump in the covers on the bed. I shake my head and hold back a laugh. Then, peeling off my jacket and setting it on top of the sweater I go to lie down next to him.

"John...baby?" I set my hand on his shoulder tucked beneath the white comforter. His face peeks out from the covers, resting on the pillow, surrounded by a curly mess of hair. I wrap my fingers in the tresses, leaning in towards his face as he stirs a little. I kiss his nose lightly, earning a groan in response. My hand slides from his shoulder to around his back. His eyes squint a little as they open just slightly.

"Sorry," he mutters. He leans into my hand pressed flat to his back. "What time is it?" He blinks, scrunching his nose a little as he gets his bearings.

"About five." He groans and leans away from me to stretch, the blanket falling away from his shoulder to reveal his bare torso. I avert my gaze, though he looks pretty good without the layer of fabric to obscure my view. "Do you want some coffee?" I ask, he wraps his arms around me.

"Does that mean you have to get up?" He buries his face in my chest, not too subtly breathing in through his nose. I don't comment, he's told me before he likes my cologne. I have a feeling that's one of the reasons he's always keeping my clothes in his room.

"Yes," I tell him.

"Then no." I laugh and look down at the top of his head. He only hums and holds me a little tighter.

"Can we at least watch something on Netflix if you're going to hold me hostage in your bed?" He sighs dramatically, brushing his lips over the skin that pokes out of the top of my t-shirt lightly. I shiver, finding my arms wrapping back around him.

"Fine," he says somewhat reluctantly. I untangle myself from him and open his laptop that sits on his nightstand. I load up Netflix and lean back on the bed while I wait for the movie that I picked to start. He reaches his arms back to their original position around me, his face on the back of my neck. "Hi." He says quietly in my ear.

"Hi," I respond. His lips ghost over my neck and I almost shiver again, but fight against it. I always feel too naive when it comes to things like this. I know John's had boyfriends before, he always seems to know what he's doing too. I, myself have never had a relationship before. John is the only person I've more than kissed. I feel like he knows it too. The first time we went any further than making out I freezed up. He had calmed me down then, asking if I wanted to talk about it. I said no, and a couple days later I sucked him off and felt a little better about my abilities after that.

I hold my breath now, feeling anxious as I think about how we'll be alone together all night. I wonder if he wants to actually do anything, or if he just plain out wanted to spend time with me. I think I'd be ok either way. If he does want to have sex I think it would only do me good to just get it over with so to speak.

I silence my fears for the time being, reveling in the way his lips feel on my skin. His fingers move beneath my my shirt and I grin as they venture further up, resting on my chest, open-palmed. He moves toward my ear, nipping at the skin as he goes.

"Your pulse is fast." He mumbles as he pulls back from me slightly. "Is this ok?" He shifts his hands down slightly to my ribcage. I nod minutely and he seems to understand my emotions for the time being. He wraps himself around my middle, lifting one of his legs to rest on my hip. He sets his chin on my shoulder as he seems to settle in to watch the movie.

I'm thankful he knows when to back off, though a small part of me wishes he would've continued. Just to see where it would have led. I guess we still have the rest of the night. That's what I tell myself at least as we lie together, the occasional kiss shared, sometimes lightly on my neck, or other times more fully on my lips. Either way, they're enjoyed thoroughly on both ends.

Sorta a filler, but next chapter is smut so I'll do a double update.
<3