Quietly Noticed || Lams

Nightmares

Hamilton|First Person

When I wake from my nap on the couch, I do so violently. I thrash and roll to the floor, hitting my head, then wake with a gasp. I sit up straight and push a hand through my hair as the last vision of my nightmare fades away. Nightmares have become a regular occurrence, but I hardly ever remember them. I wipe a line of sweat from my hairline and sigh, feeling drained from my struggle. I shake my head, clearing my mind. Then, I stand and fold the blanket I was using back over the couch.

As I look around I notice a piece of lined paper sitting on the ground by the coffee table. I must've knocked it off during my struggle. I bend over and pick it up, recognizing John's hand writing in the blue pen scrawled  across it.

I have two more classes. I'll be back around four. Food is in the fridge.
-John

I fold the paper neatly and toss it away in the trash can beside the messy trash can. My stomach growls so I make my way to the kitchen to finish off my lunch. By the time I'm done, it's five after four. John will be home any minute. I turn the TV back on and watch some mindless show until I hear rustling at the door. I perk up, fighting off a smile as John enters and sighs loudly.

"Hey." He says, nodding to me. I nod back as he drops onto the couch next to me.

"Hi." My smile creeps back onto my lips. He smiles too though so I don't bother fighting it anymore. "How was your day?" I ask, deciding it would make grinning at each other less awkward.

"Oh, well," he sighs again. "Obnoxious college kids, you know how it is." I laugh a little.

"Yeah, I do." He chuckles, moving his arms back onto the back of the couch. I move a little closer to him, but he doesn't seem to mind. Something about the whole thing seems very domestic, but I can't say I hate it. He looks even more adorable now, his curls falling from the tie at the back of his head, the top button of his shirt undone, his tie loosened around his neck. I have to bite the inside of my cheek to keep from leaning any closer to him.

I hold my breath as I stare at him from the corner of my eye, pretending to pay attention to the show that is still blaring from the TV. He seems to be enjoying the show so I try my best to take my attention off of him, but as soon as I do, his head falls on my shoulder and his arm is inching down towards my shoulders. I breathe out through my nose and shudder a little as his forearm skims my neck. I peek over at him, seeing a small grin ghosting his lips.

I lean into him, resting my head atop his, feeling incredibly content with how close we are. I feel the urge to kiss him, but I don't act on it. I'm terrified of how things are now, terrified I'll do something to mess it all up and he won't want to be this close to me again. I want to hug him closer so bad though, I want to kiss him.

We sirt still though. Neither of us move any closer or push the boundaries any further. We're both silent, but it's not awkward. We both seem to be content with it, that is until he speaks.

"What time do you want to go back to your dorm?" He asks, looks at me subtly.

I shrug, careful not to disturb his head. "I dunno, how about six?" He hums in agreement.

"Wanna go get coffee? I need to talk to Hercules about something."

"Sure." I say. I'm a little reluctant to have him pull away from me, but I know I'm not leaving yet so I try not to let it bother me too much when we walk around his car, way too far away from him for my likings. I lean back just far enough to look at him without him seeing me. He cranks up the radio and smiles as he drives, the sun shinning warmly down on us.

When we arrive at the campus, we go straight to the coffee shop. We sit at the table we were at the other night. He asks for my order and then leaves to go talk to Hercules. I sigh as I watch him, not very discreetly, but I really couldn't be bothered at this point in time. I'm filled with an overwhelming want to hug him, to hold his hard, to kiss him.

He talks lowly with Hercules, who only glances at me once before flashing a grin at John. John shakes his head, seeming conflicted. Then, when he heads back to the table with two cups of coffee, Hercules nods at him, smiling widely.

"What was that about?" I ask, he only shakes his head, smiling slightly.

"Oh, nothing. Just a thing Hercules has been persistent on convincing me of." I nod, not really knowing what he could be talking about. I just sip at my coffee as we fall back into another lighthearted conversation, bouncing from topic to topic quickly. I smile the whole way through, only wavering in my expression when he says he should go back to his apartment to grade papers. He does offer to walk me to my dorm though, and I would have to be stupid to turn that down.

We walk in silence to the building. He presses the button on the elevator. Then, leans rather close to me against the wall. Our fingers brush and I stop breathing for a second.

When we reach my floor, I'm reluctant to retreat to my room when we reach it. Though when I go to unlock the door, John says,"Wait."

"Hmm?" I ask, turning back to him, surprised to see how close we've gotten. His hands are on my shoulders and he grins so big I'm afraid he'll cut his face open. I open my mouth to say something else, but I'm cut off when his lips are suddenly pushed to mine.

I squeal embarrassingly against his mouth, but I kiss back as soon as I get my bearings. It's a short, sweet kiss, but I still grin like an idiot when it's done. "I-" I start to say something, but he shakes his head.

"Good night, Alex." He smiles again and I nearly faint. I don't even move until I hear the elevator churn and I know he's leaving the building.

I turn around and open my door. I see that Burr lies alseep in his bed so I just tip toe to my bed and lie down, though I have no idea how I'll sleep with the butterflies in my stomach. I'm going to see John tomorrow. What will he say? Will he kiss me again? I want him to kiss me again. I want him to call me his, to go out for coffee all the time. I want to sit on his couch like we were today all the time. I want to curl up with him under that blanket and watch cartoons. I grin to my pillow as imagine him after class when everyone is gone tomorrow, wrapping me in a hug and kissing me. I can barely close my eyes as I think if him.

It's going to be a long night.