Sometimes life is pretty great. I bet some random famous dude once said that.
Why am I saying this? You probably will think I'm crazy, but it's because ... drumroll please ... my boyfriend broke up with me!
You: Holy what now?!?
Me: Hell to the yeah!
I was actually going to do it yesterday on the same day, but he beat me to it. His name is Mace Harrington, but from now on I will refer to him as Mace the Cow Face, Cow Face, or something with Cow. He is super annoying, even his family is annoying.
The only reason that I even went out with him is because I needed a date to the dance two weeks ago and he was hot enough that he had a fan club of 15-20 girls. I'm pretty sure Cow Brain thought I was super attached to him, and thought that I would drop to my knees and bawl like a sissy when he broke up with me. He was actually my first boyfriend, but I have gone on dates and I didn't do anything stupid like give away my first kiss. I think I did the last thing he expected, but he had it coming, asshole. P.S. I may or may not swear like a sailor.
Let's take a walk down memory lane shall we.
After school, I hoisted my backpack over my shoulder and did my usual stomp/dignified walk thing. I know, I'm strange.
As I came outside, I saw him wave me over, so being the nice person that I am *cough* sarcasm *cough* I went over to him.
Cow face then proceeded to make me stand on the tallest bench with him, so everyone could see us. At this point I'm thinking, "What the fuck is going on?" but I went along anyways.
Cow face shouted, "Everyone I have announcement to make! Me and my girlfriend..."
"My girlfriend and I, dumbass!" I interjected, "and soon ex-girlfriend." I muttered under my breath.
He frowned a little. "MY GIRLFRIEND AND I are about to experience the worst part of a relationship."
"oh really?" I said raising an eyebrow.
"Persephone Wayland, I don't think we are right for each other. Please don't take this the wrong way, its me not you..."
"HALLELUJAH! Its like the gods were sent down to save me from this mini devil spawn without enough brains to do devilish things." I shouted, but i was kinda pissed because i wanted to break up with him, not the other way around. Almost all the students laughed. I smirked, Thank you so much Cow Brain, I was going to do that today also, and I have a few criticisms on your breaking up technique."
"Uh.. but you... uh... never been through a breakup," He stuttered out like the grass chewing piece of live steak he is. Steak is delicious by the way, I don't know how vegetarians resist the pull.
"Oh puh-lease. I have planned at least 50 ways to breakup/reject someone since 6th grade." I think we had the whole schools attention now. "Number 1: The classic humiliate your ex is soooo over used. I mean seriously? Number 2: Even if you did this cliche stunt, at least pull it off with finesse like moi. I have thought of all the best ways to break up in public. You sounded like an announcer at like a chess match or some stupid shit like that. blah blah blah. BOOOORING. Number 3: Never, ever say its me not you. Just cut to the point and say, you suck we're done, excuse me while I walk away to laugh at your face with my buddies. I gotta say though, thanks for telling the truth, it is totally you not me." He sputtered in protest and I snickered because he looked like a fish. I continued to the best part, "Finally, I am fucking pissed at you for not letting me break up with you first so here's some punishment for the world to see." I smiled with a mischievous smirk and burst into song, "I hate you, you hate me, but now... you know what? Fuck this. Lets cut to the point."
YOU ARE READING
Intellectual Badass
HumorPersephone (Persy) Wayland was always a little to hotheaded and rebellious, but because she ignored most people and had good GPA, people sometimes classified her as a nerd. They are completely wrong. And by the way she prefers to term 'Intellectual...
