Broken Girls, Meet Broken Band

gotta get out......... (luke's pov)

(if the girls read this don't post it until katie post one of her newer chapters or livy post one and i post dizzy!!)

maddie was back, she was actually back. she was surrounded by all time low as she tried to walk back when making eye contact with me. 

"maddie?" we all said together. her eyes were flaming red and puffy. i waited to hug her until everyone was off of her. 

"look luke if you don't want me i'll go back with alex. i did this for sara, not you or me." i wrapped my arms around her so tightly like she was a weak dove as i started to cry, she did too. knowing the guys and the girls they took a few pictures.

"i'm so sorry, i shouldn't have acted like that. i shouldn't have, no no no. i'm just happy you're back, so fucking happy." she broke more as i broke completely in half. she said goodbye to the all time low guys as i thanked them. it was still quiet as maddie was still quiet, sara came out of maddie's room after a bit. maddie wanted to be alone is all she said. 

-

after what seems to be fourish hours, i was watching tv with the guys as we heard jordan go nuts. we all questioned not getting up. 

"what the hell is this? guys! maddie!! the door's locked help!" the guys and i ran up stairs and heard sad music playing in maddie's bedroom as we heard nothing but a concerned alex from somewhere. the door was locked as jordan ran to the girls to calm them. she had something in her hands as michael and calum were trying to open the door. they did as the sight was terrible, 

"sara call 911!!!!!" i screamed. "now!!!!!!!!!!" I was sobbing, ashton grabbed her phone and was talking to alex now. sara called as i heard the sirens come, she was laying the floor as she had pill bottles on the ground and a few little razors from her shaving razors. I picked her up and carried her downstairs. michael took the girls into the backyard so they wouldn't see maddie like this. no one wanted to see her like this. her skin was so pale and i opened her eyelids and her eyes were loosing their colours. she was in as we had to go into the house to explain what was happening, ashton went with them as they were down the street. i walked into the backyard as the girls were full of questions, jordan didn't have what she had earlier maybe it was a tissue or something. i sat down on the seat outside as i started crying. i fucked up and now she's probably gone, forever. 

-

jordan returned as she gave me a sheet or two of paper from her pocket. 

"i-i-i-i found this before you came, its for all of us but there's something in there for yo-o-ou." i took the letter waiting from something from ashton. i unfolded it as she walked away it was long and in maddie's hand writing, this concerns me. 

-

dear whoever finds me next or ever,

i stated earlier on a video chat i wanted to end my life rather than be back here again, i'm scared. i'm scared luke will change again or he is just faking how he feels about me. i came back for all of you, not myself. if i were to give myself more time i would. i would give myself a year or more at the least maybe longer, if you are sara, olive or jordan please know i love you so much and didn't want to do this, i want to be happy and i haven't been in months. (since this all happened) my panic attack sent me into a hospital, alex told me i looked terrible. i have grown to hate myself in the past year. because of the fans, luke, society, myself, just everything. please understand and know this isn't your fault, please don't think that this is at any point your fault. its not at all, it mine. i guess i'm just saying that i'm sick of being that fuck up that everyone secretly hates. i guess at this point i hate myself too, everyone will be happier when i leave, they seemed they were when i was gone for three months. -madison jo hemmings

a poem for all to hear

hi, hello?
is anyone there?
okay i guess no one is since there's an echo,
i don't want to be here.

isn't clear?
if you're reading this please don't cry.
i will be much happier now my dear,
these pills are now making me very dry.

saying i was happy was a lie,
society killed itself.
just let me here to die,
there's nothing left to save of myself.

everything i had it shattered,
my deep and dark thoughts got worse.

my life didn't seem to have mattered,
maybe i'm just the curse.

i'm going to go now,
don't please frown.
i will be watching from up above,

wearing a halo or crown.

if anyone gets this far, please give the rest of this letter to lucas robert hemmings.

dear luke,

i'm sorry that i'm not what you wanted, not what you needed. you wanted me out of your life, now i am. i thought a lot about you went i was in maryland. i was never the perfect sister, friend, child, or anything else. i'm just a fuck up. i should have died when i was born, none of this would have happened. i should have done this before i met any of the girls, so i wouldn't be hurting the. i bet currently you are keeping this whole thing hush hush. its okay to tell them, i don't think i'll make it. i'm writing this with full tears in my eyes as i write this, i wanted to let you know. i miss the old you, the luke that actually cared how my day was, the one that made joke, tickled me, bugged me, would sing to me to sleep, just the one that was a good big brother. i heard what you did to sara, that was fucking sick of you! that's not the luke i know, i hope you realize that. i hurt me, it hurt me when you sent those snaky like text, heard about what you did to everyone, what you said to me. when we were fighting about four months ago i sobbed myself to sleep, i scratched my wrist, put on a fake happy face, the way you would slam my body on the wall, slapped me, got in my face. you didn't care to ask how i was when the fans of yours commented rude things telling me to kill myself and also your plastic ass girlfriend told me to kill myself after the first day of knowing her when i asked for help on my homework. luke this isn't you, and i hope you realize this. i lo-love you? goodbye.

-maddie jo hemmings (2001-2017?)

thank you for sharing this letter whoever found it, goodbye i'm in a happier place now.

-mads

i read it as i threw my hands down as michael came outside,

"what's that?" michael questioned me. 

"its-its-its ma-maddi-ie-'s suicide let-ter." i shut down and cried more, "i need to go on a long drive. i'll be back," i got up and grabbed my keys. i walked out before everyone questioned. i drove for hours as i felt the wind hit my hair. i miss you by blink-182 played in the still air of the world, i drove as i got a call by ashton. i was still a mess, i was sobbing as the song played. 

"luke you need to come to hospital now, we need to tell the girls."

"jordan knows, jordan found maddie's suicide letter. get them there. i'm coming, okay bye." i called michael. "michael go to the hospital maddie is at but don't tell the girls, jordan knows, i'm on my way there now. ash just called."

-

after a long and emotional car ride i pulled up at the hospital as i ran to the front desk, 

"hemmings?"

"room 134 first floor. she's having surgery." i ran to the room that everyone was in, sara and livy were confused as jordan sobbed into ashton's side as he comforted her, they were all so great of brothers and here my sister is in the hospital because i made her kill herself. i sat on my phone as i saw calum texted me with a photo, it was the one of maddie and i when she came home earlier. i saved it and went onto instagram, i cropped the pic and wrote a caption as i sobbed. 'mads, i'm sorry. please. stay for me. #prayformaddie' i put my phone down and cried my eyes out. i could tell that sara knew something was up since we outside of the actual room, as far as i know michael told her it was a panic attack.