Broken Girls, Meet Broken Band

the monster in me (luke's pov)

(hi hi kaitlyn here imma start writing with lower case because i'm lazy as fuck; also this is before maddie comes back, i'll fix that.. -k )

i sat in the car after michael nearly killed me, i deserved it to be completely honest. ever since i started 'dating' arz it changed me, i did become a dick and maddie left because of that. ever since she left almost three months ago i have thought of ways to get her back. so far everything i thought to myself was a bust, imaging what would actually happen. i saw michael and sara come out of the police office after about three hours, all i did was think. sara got quiet in the back of the car, she looked up at us after a while and told us how she got into drugs and alcohol. i was part of the reason why she started because of maddie and i fighting and stressing everyone out, great another reason to hate my dumbass self. the car ride home was so bare and very quiet as when we pulled in i ran to my room to be alone, everyone was in the living room. after an hour i heard people talking, i was pacing around my room thinking again. nothing was working. i finally exited my room as they were all wearing earbuds and looking at a screen. the last thing i heard revolved around suicide. 

"who are all of you talking to?" i studied the icon as it looked familiar but not really. michael spoke up as i raised an eyebrow,

"no one, just going on a video call with ourselves before we go the store." i wasn't buying that bullshit, someone else was on the line. 

"who's the other girl?" i questioned. Livy snapped as she hid behind calum. 

"that's none of your business nimrod!" i started to get mad, i want to know. it could be maddie for all i know. 

"i'm serious how is she? one of your girlfriends?" i said as i grabbed an earbud from calum's ears as i sat next to him. i heard nothing as i started to get up again as i heard a whisper on the other line. 

"fuck you lucas," the girl voice said. i did a completely double take sitting back down and looking at the screen. i soon realized it was maddie.

"maddisaur?" i looked again, "maddie was that you? show yourself." her voice shattered like a broken record as she started talking again. it was her, she was broken. i made her broken, i'm a failure of a brother.

"why do you actually care if its her?! ever since she left you've been a flaming douche!" ashton had a solid point. i sighed making the others look at me like i was nuts and sara and michael go ballistic. 

"she's my sister of course." michael and sara said the same thing at the same time as sara continued longer. i heard maddie sigh, 

"i hate you luke, i want to die. i'll never forgive you, i fucking hate you." she shattered and fell harder, she had become very depressed in the last three months. wow. i felt my heart break as i looked at the screen, 

"maddie show yourself please." she wasn't done. her words were broken into sobs as she seemed to be screaming.

"why should i? so you can see my ugly face that you hate and wish was never related to you?Q or see the monster you have created? huh luke! i fucking hate you and there's nothing you can do to get me back! just fucking go and kiss arz and be happy with plastic over family, if you still consider me family, i bet you don't!" she mumbled the last bit. guilt hit me like a bus, all at once.

"maddie i'm so so-"

"save it luke and go the fuck away! no matter how much you apologize i'm not forgiving you, i'd rather be die than accept the apology and come back home." i was about to break, i couldn't. it hurt me to see her like this and to know that i helped do this to her, i heard them all say her name as i slammed the door. i sat on my bed as i rubbed my temples. i needed to fix this now, i needed to fix her. i felt as if she was on a cloud of depression, anxiety, and anger floating away on to a pit of hell where was actually going to die. after about twenty minutes i came back out. no one talked to me for a while except for michael and sara. michael looked at me as we had a talk, he was really down about this and upset at what maddie was saying and about what happened to sara and us earlier. 

"we need to get her back before you tries to kill herself." he said sighing.

"sara said she will come back sooner or later." 

"she said that the first week she left, now we are here. luke you fucked up big time, you literally have your little sister's life in your hands. i understand she's with all time low but she could still do it when they are sleeping or she could start a habit. luke you need to get her here or try to talk to her, make your voice heard. not like earlier. you are her guardian not a little toy. you need to be firm and help her through this hard ass time. i need to get better at helping sara again. she was fine last time i checked. now she's smoking and drinking." 

"michael i fucked up, i don't think we'll get her back. i think she's going to commit it soon, she was dead serious. she was sobbing, the sobs are now haunting me. everything is, its like she's here making me feel this guilt." i got up and grabbed a stick from the dirt as i beat it against a tree. i went mad, i couldn't stop.

"luke! stop! dude stop!" michael stopped me as i sunk my head in my shoulders. i can't believe i fucked up this badly.