Mentors - A Joshler Fic

Chapter 28

I’d never felt such a resounding sense of helplessness as I lay there in the hospital bed. My body ached but the pain wasn’t even comparable to the pain in my heart when I looked over at the bed beside me and saw Tyler laying there. I would take all the cracked ribs and broken arms in the world if Tyler didn’t have to go through what he did. I’d failed him. I’d told him I’d protect him and keep him safe and I failed. I looked over to the bed next to me where he lied, hooked up to a machine and I saw my greatest failure.

Grief overwhelmed me as well as shame. My dad had found him unconscious on the side of the road in the middle of the night. He must have been lying there in the cold for hours before we got to him. He’d wandered away from the therapists office when I failed to pick him up and they got to him. They got to him and they beat him up and they raped him. I wanted to kill them. To tear them limb from limb. But I was stuck in this bed, so close to Tyler yet unable to hug him and hold him and to tell him that everything was okay.

He hadn’t woken up yet. He still looked peaceful and serene. When he woke up and realized what had happened he was going to fall apart. I was barely together myself right then. But I need to get it together so I could be strong for him. But I’ll I could do was cry, it seemed impossible for the tears to stop. My mom had just left to go get a cup of coffee for herself, so I didn’t worry about hiding the tears, I let myself cry for the first time in years. I’d never felt like this in my entire life, and I really didn’t know how to deal with it.

“What’s wrong?” A voice asked me. My head snapped up and I saw Tyler looking at me with a concerned look on his face. Then he was looking around the room and realizing where we were. I saw the look on his face as everything came rushing back to him, I saw the way his face fell when he remembered all of it. And it broke my heart to see. “I-I-what? Did they get you too, they said...but I didn’t know. Oh god,” Tyler was semi incoherent as he began to hyperventilate when he saw that I was hurt too.

“Ty! Tyler calm down!” I shouted to him, getting more upset myself that I couldn’t rush to his side. Feeling helpless and not knowing what else to do, I pushed the button on my bed that signaled for a nurse to come in. It was only a matter of seconds before Jen, our nurse came rushing into the room and immediately took control of the situation and got him to slow his breathing. Once he was calmed down she went about taking his vitals and asked him if he was hungry. He asked what exactly had happened to him. She said the doctor would be into talk sometime that day. I turned my head toward the window, the sun was just beginning to rise. Look like I wasn’t going to make it to school that day.

Finally she left and I remained looking out the window. But I begrudgingly turned my head when a quiet and slightly scared voice called my attention. “Josh.”

“Yeah.”

“I remember what they did to me. Did they do that to you?”

“They just beat me up. Left me in the back school parking lot.”

“So they didn’t do it to you?”

“No.”

“Thank god.”

“Tyler I--I just...I’m so sorry I didn’t protect you.”

“Josh, you couldn’t have stopped this. Don’t you dare blame yourself. I’ll be fine, I always am.”

“I just can’t believe you had to go through this again.”

“I’ll be fine. Really. This time is better because I have you. I’m not the scared little twelve year old anymore.”

“No you’re not. This time they’re going away for what they did. The cops already have them in custody. You’ll have to give your statement, I already did. We’re gonna be okay, you know. We’ll heal and we’ll do it together. And as soon as I get out of this fucking bed I’m going to hold you.”

That got a small smile to play upon his lips. “I don’t doubt it and I can’t wait.”

But I could still see the sadness in his eyes, and emptiness that hadn’t previously been there. He was putting on a front. I knew why and I could understand but he didn’t have to do that with me. I wasn’t going to allow it.

My mom walked into the room and when she saw Tyler was awake she rushed to his side and planted a kiss on his forehead. “Welcome back to the world of the living sleepy head. How’re you feeling? Can I get you anything. Are you hungry? Do you need some water? Are you comfortable?”

“Um I’m okay thanks.”

“Don’t hesitate at anytime to just ask me if you need anything at all.”

“Okay.”

“It’s so great to see my two boys both fully conscious again and on your way to healing.”

She looked over at me and gave me a glance which I knew to mean she expected me to fill her in on how Tyler was actually feeling not the bullshit ‘okay’ he was giving everyone later. She sat with us for a while until my dad and my brother came by. They left once the doctor came in to talk to Tyler about his injuries. Tyler had a broken nose, a fractured clavicle, three broken ribs, and his arm was broken in two places. As well as the trauma he received from being raped. He shook his head stoically as the doctor spoke about how a therapist would be in to talk to him later. Once the doctor left the room Tyler refused to look at me. I begged him to please turn and face me but he refused. I decided to let him be for the moment. I didn’t need to force him to talk right now. But my heart was breaking for the boy I loved and had no idea how to help him. That was the worst feeling ever. “I love you,” I told him. I heard no reply and turned to see that his eyes were closed and I figured he must be asleep so I decided to do the same and get some sleep.