Choice Notes (Jack & Finn Harries)

Choice Notes - Chapter Seventeen

BETH'S POV

"Where's Finnegan?" Rebecca, Jack's mother, asked as we sat down on the hard plastic garden chairs outside a restaurant on the mountain.

"We took him back to the chalet, he wasn't feeling great," Jack explained apologetically. I knew he hated upsetting his mother, even when things weren't his fault.

"That's a shame, especially when the conditions are like this," Andy sighed, leaning back in his chair and closing his eyes, accepting as much as the welcoming sun's rays as possible. He was right of course; today was perhaps the best day snowboarding I had ever experienced, though I suppose being with Jack helped.

We ordered several portions of chips to share between us and spoke about today's experiences on the slopes - which runs we had ridden, whether we saw anything interesting (Emmy had spotted a marmot whilst on the way up a chair-lift and Jack and I saw a man skiing in a 80's style jumpsuit). It was amazing how the Harries had simply let me slip into their family, like I had always been there, no questions asked. I felt extremely fortunate. 

Just as our meals had arrived, I felt my phone buzz in my pocket. I waited for it to die down, but it kept on ringing, signalling that it was a call rather than a text. Excusing myself, I pulled my phone out of my jacket pocket and escaped the low terrace to answer the call which according to the caller-ID was from my mother. It was strange that she would want to call me at this time of the day, especially since she knew I would probably be bombing down some red run.

"Hey, Mum," I hummed into my phone. There was silence on the other end before a sharp intake of breath took me by surprise, "Mum? Mum, what's wrong?" I urged, desperately wanting to know what could upset my mother so bad.

"Oh, Bethany, I am so sorry," she blurted, the tone in her voice suggesting she was putting a lot of effort into keeping her composure. This sick feeling convulsed through my body and I had to steady myself on the wooden fencing surrounding the balcony. My mother would only call me by my full name unless it was serious, like the time when I got a detention in school or like when we got into arguments.

"Please tell me what's happened," I began, a rising fear mounting inside of my chest. "You're scaring me, please," I begged. There was a long pause. All I could hear was mum's jagged breathing on the other end of the line, wanting to hold back the news which she bared as long as possible. "Tell me," I pressed with more violence, my impatience getting the better of me.

"If you're standing you might want to sit down," my mother's voice broke the silence, her tone tight, strained and almost hysterical. I mentally flicked through everything that could have gone wrong in the past couple of months; had mum and dad broken up? No, I knew they had the occasional argument but it had never gotten that bad. Had someone gotten ill? I didn't know. Mum whimpered, clearly trying to hold back a sob, "It's Johnny," she stammered, "He went missing in action."

-x-

I could feel myself slipping away, my soul detaching itself from my body to avoid all pain, an easy escape. It was either fight or flight, and the simplest thing to do was obviously run, get away, find cover, hide. Slumping into the snow below me, I didn't say a word to my mother on the other end of the line, and without a single goodbye, I hung up. Strangely enough, I did not cry; once again I had that numb feeling floating around inside of me, lost and confused, fogging over reality like steam on glass, blurring it out until it was only a speck on the horizon of my heart.

The words 'brother', 'Johnny', 'army', 'missing in action', drifted in and out of focus and I was only vaguely aware of Jack approaching, taking me by the shoulders and shaking me back to reality. I told him everything. The look on his pale face hurt, right in the pit of my stomach. I saw him curse under his breath and his jaw tighten as he sorted through the information I had just given him, trying to find the best way to get along with it. He apologised, in the most sincere way possible. Jack was brave, unlike me, and I knew he was going to face it with me, that he would share my loss and do his best to comfort me.