Falling

Chapter 15: A Burning Question

Dedicated to life_is_wishes because you did the thing last chapter and forced me to update it (I'll do a proper dedication later)

Song of the chapter: Kiss Me by Sixpence None the Richer 

Trust me, it will make sense later...

November 26th

I sent the bulk of letters yesterday and now my heart is full of anticipation and anxiety. Will you get them? Will you respond? And, most importantly, Will you remember?

I'm terrified May.

Terrified that they were right all along and this won't help you. That this won't even help me. I feel like writing down the memories is even worse because it forces me to open a drawer that everyone wants to stay firmly shut. And once it opens, I have no control over when and where another memory might fly out.

Speaking of...

We're still at the lake house, and after last night I feel like the closest thing I have to you hates me. I understand why, of course. I took her in a very vulnerable state of mind and thought she was you. That would be scarring for anyone. It certainly was for me.

But that's not the only thing. I think everyone can sense that something is off between the two of us. Whenever Bailey and I are in the same room, everyone openly stares, just waiting for the bomb to explode and for us to do something. You can cut the tension with a knife, no scratch that, a chainsaw.

But what worries me the most is the way Axel is looking at me.

He doesn't know which side to take on this Cold War, so he's decided to be Switzerland and just not. Whenever he sees either of us, he turns and walks in the opposite direction, his blue eye full of worry, but his green full of fear. After 3 hours of everyone walking on glass around me, I picked myself up and marched to Bailey's room, knowing what I had to do.

I saw her curled up in the window seat, gazing out at the scenery outside of her window. She hadn't noticed me yet. I came up and sat beside her, saying, "You know it's a lot prettier in person."

She shifted, acknowledging me, but still not looking or talking to me. I took the fact that she hadn't yelled and made me leave as a good sign. I tried again, copying her position and looking out the window, "I've been coming here since I was your age. I know all the nooks and crannies of this place. I know all the best spots to sit where it's warm but still has a breeze. I know the spot in the water that doesn't have a scrap of moss. I know how to get from here to the kitchen without anyone hearing or seeing you, great for a midnight snack when everyone is asleep and you're supposed to be too."

I glanced over at her, seeing that she was more listening to me than noticing what was outside now. I smiled, and looked back out the window, speaking softly, "I wanted to share this world I had created here with someone. It couldn't be Austin or Olive or Hunter, coz they all lived it with me. They already knew all of their own favorite spots. Mine were sacred and needed to be cherished. Or better yet, Chere-ished."

Forgetting to be mad at me, she turned around and asked me, "Chere-ished? What does that mean?"

My smile shifted into a neutral face, hopefully clear of any emotion, as I answered, whispering now, "It was something that my sister and I did before she...left. Our special little sister moments. 5 years ago, we were supposed to come here together, because she was finally old enough to understand what was going on. I had planned that week so hard, making sure we'd hit everywhere that we needed to hit, while still leaving room to discover some more places just for the two of us. Then, a month before we came here, she had her accident. She fell."