Falling

Chapter 13: A Painful Reminder

November 23

I am hiding in a closet in the hospital right now. Yes, you read that right. A hospital. Even after I swore to my therapist I would never come back because of the anxiety it could give me. Well, if I thought simply other people with sicknesses would make my heart race much faster than it should, then imagine how I feel when the person who looks the most like you is the one I am looking at in the hospital bed.

And she isn't awake.

Let me take a step back to this morning, back when I was still ignorant to all the things that are heading my way. When I was still convinced that the terrible feeling I had in my stomach when Axel wasn't answering my calls was simply me being a worried wart, that nothing had happened, that nothing could happen to the Oray's. They were the sweetest family in existence and thus nothing bad could ever happen. I should have remembered not to think things like that. That's exactly what I had thought about you.

We didn't get any news at all, which we figured that the old saying (no news means good news) was true, and went on with our lives, packing our bags for our trip for Thanksgiving break. I was in a good mood because we always went with the Pattillo's to an old lake house that they owned, which meant that I was going on a vacation with my best friends and would soon be able to literally push them into each other. That's always a plus.

I was working up the courage to ask Mom if we could invite Axel and his family to come too because we were all such good friends and everything. I was dancing and singing along to the songs coming out my phone, which was the most amazing playlist ever created as it housed something from every single genre, from Taylor Swift to Twenty-Øne Piløts and everything in between. I was singing and whenever I sing I tune the rest of the world as I focus on just me, my voice, and the music. But then the music faded a bit for about 2 seconds and then came back, making me realize that I had gotten a notification.

I sighed and walked over, upset that my Behind These Hazel Eyes rock out had been interrupted. I continued to hum the chorus as I checked my texts and when I read the words I dropped my phone dead hard on my (luckily) carpeted floor. I sank down onto my knees when the lyrics of a Vamps song, Risk it All, started up, the verse feeling a bit more ironic as the music swelled around me and the tears welled up my eyes.

You just know
Sometimes you feel it in your bones
Though we've heard that hearts can still beat long

*Group Text: Autumn, Austin, Olivia, Hunter*

Axel: Can you guys come here? Need help. It's Bailey.

Hunter: Where's "here"

Axel: North Fulton Hospital

I just know
Even if I had a heart of a stone
You could make it bleed all on your own
You could break it but I hope you won't

I sat on the floor for a while, listening to the sounds coming out of my phone barely louder than the sounds of my heart breaking as wave after wave of memories came over me. I was an 11-year-old girl again, crying alone in my room because I didn't want Mommy and Daddy to see that their "strong and brave girl" was anything but. I laughed a dry laugh void of any humor when If I Die Young started to play, and the dams that were barely holding back the tears broke fully and I started to wail on the floor.

At some point, Austin came in and wrapped his arms around me. I leaned onto him and let him pull me, only just recognizing that he was putting me into the car where Olive and Hunter were inside already. Olive simply glanced over at me and shifted so I could put my head on her shoulder. Hunter was driving which meant that Austin was so shaken at the moment that he was allowing someone else drive his baby.