All alone
I'm in a dimly lit room full of people in love.
Rows of them holding each others hands.
Rows of doe-eyed teens and crescent smiles.
I'm stood alone in the middle.
Watching artists preform, but I feel like the spotlight is on me.
Look at him, the lonely boy.
No hand to hold, No one to hug.
Alienated, I am a fish out of water among the sharks.
Clutching a bottle of cider to my chest,
staring down at the floor.
Please stop looking at me, I'm ashamed enough.
What's wrong with me?
Why cant I fall in love.
They come together, and they leave together.
To a warm house and a homely bed.
I arrive alone and leave alone.
To my alcoholic mother and self destructive thoughts in my head.
Sometimes I think it's not that I couldn't find someone to love me.
But people are either infatuated with me, or despise me.
Fascinated by my illnesses or uninterested in my flaws.
Where is someone that just wants to love me, for me?
I couldn't ask for more.
So I'll sit alone in my dark room, picking myself a part.
Analyzing how to make myself more appealing and smart.
Reading articles on "what the opposite gender love!"
But that's normally a confident, intelligent boy that is head strong and motivated.
That's not me.
I'm a whimpy little teen.
Out of proportion, slightly awkward and completely erratic.
Low mouthed but silent.
Self conscious and dumbfounded.
Easily overwhelmed, Easily obsessed.
I need to change myself soon, so I too, can hold hands in a dimly lit room.
Like the rest.
