Lost and Found

Chpt 3

"Over hereee! Hi~!"

God, her voice is chirpy, does she have to be so loud?! Reminds me of those damn pigeons I used to shoot. "Pew pew." I whisper as I'm approaching the bubbly hell that is my fake girlfriend.

"Don't you look nice! I thought you were going to come in your school clothes."

She dares to giggle at me.. "What's wrong with my school clothes? Figured I might as well make it look like a real date."

"Yeah! See now you're getting it! For a moment there I thought you were going to bail and stand me up."

Wait that was an option?! Shit! Now all I can do it groan and reply with, "What does her highness have planned."

"Weeeelll, to be honest I didn't just ask you on a fake date to have fun. We're gonna spy on Ian! I've got a list of the places he's going today, because he's on a date too."

Figures. This guy is her objective, I'm just the partner in crime. "K."

"Just follow me." Next thing I know, she's grabbing my hand and I'm being dragged to a Starbucks. "He always takes girls here on their first dates. He's so cliche."

Says the one stalking him and trying to make him jealous. Why did I agree to this again? What possessed me?

"Look at him, such a fake smiley heartbreaker. What I would give to make him explain himself to me." She gripes.

I don't even have words for this, she's nuts, and I'm pretty sure he can see us. Well, her. I'm just standing by this bush, looking like..a total creep-okay we need to move. "Come on, let's go inside."

"What?!"

Oh, that shrill voice never fails.

"We can't go inside! He'll see us!"

What. An. Idiot. She's contradicitng the whole point of me fake dating her! Don't insult me- "Exactly. You're the one who wanted that, right? Unless you just have a shitty way of asking people out and you tricked me into actually dating you-" The realization sets in. "Wait, you didn't dare-"

"Don't be silly. There's no way I'd actually date you. I bet you're really boring."

"Thanks." You couldn't have said that any more straightforward and dull. I should kick you-

"Your suggestion does make sense though, come on!"

Again with the grabbing of my hand and the yanking me to places I don't want to be recognized. This coffee shop is so cute I might actually get sick.

"I love this place! They have the best selection of pie and the best coffee! Oh! And the ice cream is good too!" She keeps smiling so much, her face is going to fall off one of these times.

"Eyes forward on the objective." I can't have her getting off track and making this an actual date.

"Oh relax Philip, just because I'm spying on my ex doesn't mean I can't have a little fun~"

That giggle she does really gets on my nerves, in fact, everything she does bothers me! I want to go home..

"I'll have a strawberry shortcake with a latte."

She's wiggling in her seat, who does that?! Kids, children, elementary schoolers, that's who. Not 17 year olds. "I'll just have a slice of cherry pie."

"See? What did I say? You're boring. Ian always got a frappe and a shortcake."

Grr, piss off. "Well, it must be nice being her then." I'm motioning to the girl that her ex is with. It's always satisfying to receive a harsh kick, especially when it's repeated about 5 or 6 times.

"Oh my god Phillip-he's coming-he's coming! What do I do?! I didn't think he'd get up! Now I have to improvise-I hate improvising!"

It's amazing just how fast a girl can speak when she's nervous, it's also amazing how much more pain she's invoking on my leg because of it. "Well first stop kicking me!" Good, she stopped, now what.

"I know! Hold my hand-and act like you're gazing into my eyes."

Um, okay. "You have a pimple right next to your nose." Her hands are sweaty, yuck, although the horrified look on her face after I told her that really made it worth it. I can't help but let a smirk crawl across my face. And good timing too.

"Emelia?"

Wow, he is less than impressive looking.

"Ian! Wh-what're you doing here...?'

The obvious voice crack is going to give you away idiot.

"I'm catching up with a friend. Haven't seen them in awhile so why not?"

"I-Is that so?"

Smile a little wider and maybe he won't notice your lip is twitching.

"I'm here with a friend too!"

Eugh, she's grabbing my hands again, she's forcing this so much it's making me want to cry. Did she even practice how to fake date someone?

"Boyfriend?"

There it is, eye twitching now. What're you going to say? Do I have to help?

"Ye-No-"

Fine. I'll help before you give yourself a seizure. "Yeah boyfriend. Started a few days ago." You're welcome.

"Oh really? Well I'm glad for you Emelia, I'll see you around I guess."

Dumbass, you completely blew it.

"Well that went well!"

Huh?

"I'd give myself a 6 out of 10 because it could have gotten incredibly worse but if it wasn't for your fast thinking I would have been frozen forever!"
What, you seriously think that went well? I'm paid to follow your lead not save your ass! "It was shitty. You sucked." Gotta tell her how it is. Honesty is the best policy because it usually offends them. And making people butt hurt is my specialty.

"Well I mean it wasn't my best performance but I'll improve."

"You won't. You're a lost cause. Give up." Gotta be as blunt..as a blunt. Time to end this quickly by putting her in her place. I knew this faking wouldn't last long. "I saved your ass. This was the first time and you completely messed up, you're never going to get better because you have feelings for him making it impossible for a lovestruck idiot like you to fake a relationship with someone like me. This isn't going to work so I'll just-" I don't think I have ever been smacked upside the head before, there's a first time for everything. It actually took me off guard, I had to collect myself. "What..the fuck was that for?"

"I am not a lost cause."

That was all she said.

"I was just telling you what I thought-"

"You're opinions and observations don't matter, this is about Ian & me. Not about what you think, you're my helper, not my supervisor."

Wow, snap much? Okay she seems upset I'll back off before she starts to cry or something. "Whatever. Are we done?"

"No way!"

Back to chipper as fuck, figures, she can only stay upset for like 5 minutes.

"They're leaving and if I know Ian well enough, he's going to a arcade place to show off. He has really bad taste in places to go on dates so he's pretty predictable."

Just like you, weirdo. "K."