Explosive

17 || A True Friend

A small bird sits on the balcony railing, despite the cold and the brash sounds of the city below. I swing slowly by pressing my socked feet against the ground, watching the bird and wondering what it is doing here. Is it looking for food or is it lost?

I cough and the bird flies away. A strange feeling spreads through me as it flies away, twisting and burning inside of me. If I sit on the porch swing and avoid the railing, I can forget my fear of heights for a while.

My sketchbook sits in my lap but I can't seem to draw anything because my mind is too foggy and tired. Thinking about the party reminds me of Blake and his ever-changing moods. He goes from excited, to laid back, to indifferent, and brooding so easily.

A part of me understands while the another finds it frustrating. Shaking my head, I try to focus on the pencil in my hand. My conclusion from the pondering? Josh and his friends are strange but not any stranger than me.

The sliding sound of the door makes me look up from my drawing of the city. It's Josh, wearing a thick sweater that has Lancers written across it. He avoids my eyes as he comes outside, pulling his hood up and breathing in a breath of fresh air.

"You really like sitting out here, don't you?" he asks, waving at me to move down. I comply and offer the blanket to him but he shakes his head.

"I like to draw out here because it's relaxing," I say. "Aren't you supposed to be watching the twins?" I ask, looking behind him. My aunt had gone to a friend's house, saying something about being home late. She had instructed that we should order a pizza for dinner.

"Mary and Theo are both in their cribs," Josh answers. The wind picks up and Josh's hood falls from his head but he doesn't bother to pull it up. His shoulders are hunched and I purse my lips, trying to read his expression.

He hadn't gone to school today, claimed that he had a cold. I knew for a fact that he was hungover from yesterday. "What's up, Josh? I know we haven't known each other long but you can trust me." Josh looks at me for a long time and then lets out an audible sigh. He's contemplating something.

"It's my dad, Audrey," he whispers. He stays quiet but I don't want to push him further so I don't say anything either. "I want to run away from all this crap." My heart hurts for Josh and his siblings. They are so good and pure, meant for greatness in the future. The way that their father acts towards them worries me, that they won't be able to choose their own path in life.

"Did your mom tell you about last week?" I ask. An image of my aunt and the two glasses of wine flash through my mind and I stare at Josh, blinking my eyes quickly.

There were times when things got rough and my mom used to drink more than usual. She always got back on track but I remember that it scared me, that I might lose my mom to a stupid bottle of Merlot. Josh nods.

"My mom just told me and only because Theo said something about it. You have to be careful around him, okay?" He drops his head into his hands. "Things are a bit better since you showed up. I think it's because he's afraid that you might talk." I hold my breath and close my eyes at his words.

"I'm sorry that you have to go through all this," I mumble, not sure if I can say anything else.

"I hate him, Audrey. I hate him so much. There are days where I wish he was dead." Josh says the last part quietly as he turns around to look at the sliding doors, afraid that his dad might be there.

"Don't say that," I say as calmly as I can. "I know your dad is...is not a good person but despite all that, your mom does love him. Remember? How she said he wasn't always like this?" He's quiet for a while and I cock my head to look at him more carefully. His face is hidden by his arms so I can't read his expression.