Losing Syn(on hold)

back in my apartment amd an off feeling

After the long train ride back I walked into the empty apartment. I knew I needed to go shopping. What was worse was that the place smelled like old milk. I opened my fridge to find sour milk and a four loco.

Having no other choice I dumped the milk down the drain and set off to the store. Food was needed. On my way to the store I still felt the need to watch over my shoulder but told myself it was now okay he would never be able to hurt me again. Smiling at that thought I grabbed the basics of milk Pepsi eggs bread and some syrup. So I could make breakfast for dinner until I could go on a real shopping trip.

The walk back to the house was less stressful I was no longer looking all over for the danger of someone lurking around every corner. I'd grown used to living my life as if he wasn't a danger to me. With him gone it made me feel at ease again. I let my shoulders loosen and my body relaxed. I felt myself breathe easier. As I entered the building again I checked my mail. Grabbing all the letters bills and my package. 

Back to cooking dinner I turned on my music dancing around and cooking I sat and ate. My first meal in peace I felt my freedom coming back and I let loose.  The music and dancing around as I unpacked felt reviving. I felt the fear leaving. The anxiety of a simple walk to the store was over.  I could do anything again. I didn't need permission.  Or I didn't need my protective friends and family.
As much as I love them all for the over protective behavior I needed to let go.

I was a Friday night and I had no work. Alice was coming down. I missed my partner in crime. Tonight we where to be on our way to the casino. This means boy bands car dancing and the best part singalongs the whole trip up.

I put on my favorite jeans and a cute top. Soon Alice would be here and we would be on our way to go play a few slots and come back here.  As I found my lucky heels and put them on Alice texted that she was there. I grabbed my hand bag and walked out to meet her.

As I got into the front seat of the car we took off to the casino the music going and us singing along smiling laughing and just letting go. It was as good as things could get.  I felt secure that I was now safe and the threat was gone. I felt myself singing louder laughing harder and letting go becoming myself again. Becoming Syndy no longer holding on to Syn as the crutch she had become. Syn had started to take over my life and I allowed it.  As myself I wanted the control back. I was taking it one moment at a time.

Once we got to the casino we walked in and hit our favorite slots. Nickel slots. I put in ten dollars and hit max bet. The machine went crazy.  As the bells kept going off Alice put in her ten dollars in at the walking dead machine  she hit as well. We both won. I pulled out my ticket and won five hundred dollars. She won eight hundred. We cashed out and I said we had to go before we put it all back into the casino.  Alice agreed and off we went back to my apartment.

Music blasting as we hit the highway. We  found our way back to my apartment and we decided to celebrate our win with the fourlocos. I popped both tops and we drank them down popping a movie on.

We both crashed out early. I woke up before Alice and got dressed. We where going for breakfast and a shopping trip to spend some of the won money.
I had to go-to work tonight and didn't really want to return yet but I knew it was safe. I knew I would be okay.  With Alice back at my side for the night we would take on the world again. Even if it was just for tonight.

Alice woke up and off we went to our favorite breakfast spot. Then off to the consignment shop and food shopping. As we got the list for the day done we both laughed and enjoyed every moment the day had to offer tonight we would be back as the trouble we always got into together.

Tonight was samurai taxi. At the corner Cafe. The show I get away with the Wilder outfits for. I chose a mini skirt and a white button down top. With heels.
As I got dressed for the night I looked different I felt different. I may have reached a time where this was no longer what I desired. I sighed I still looked good.  I just felt off.  I can't explain it but I don't feel right and it's not a bad thing.

Alice saw me in my dazed state and she didn't even know what was off. I shook it off and got ready to go. Thank gods that the corner Cafe wasn't far from home. We got through the door and I ordered our first round. After a few drinks and the band playing I forgot all about the off feeling from earlier. And enjoyed the night. Alice and I dancing and singing along. A few rounds of drinks and my freedom being celebrated.  As the night came to a close we headed home. When I got home I called Davis who wasn't happy that I was still out promoting he thought I would give that up for him. Yea right it's my life. It's what I loved. Even though I felt off tonight. I kept that to myself. Davis expressed his distaste for my life choices and I defended my life which I shouldn't have to do.

As I hung up the phone I knew it was going to become a choice between him and Syner entertainment. Syner entertainment would always be my life no man no one could change that. I was born for this. Yea that's right I was born to do this it's my dream nothing can stop me. Or so I thought.........................