Sassy Sofie (COMPLETED)

31 Confessions

SOFIE POV

I dyed my hair back to its true chestnut brown shade. I now admire how strong my mom is. I wanted to look like mom again. Hindi na din ako bumalik sa Manila pagkatapos ng nalaman ko. Mag dadalawang linggo na ako dito sa beach house sa batangas, kasama si mommy. Sinulit namin ang mga araw at nagkwentuhan at nagreminisce.

Hindi ko alam paano haharapin ang lahat, kung anong mararamdaman ko kay Red. I knew I love him. I have been loving him while we are together and being with him is the happiest days of my life. Pero paano magiging kami kung sya ang dahilan kung bakit hindi ko nakapiling ang mommy ko. Sila ng daddy nya ang dahilan ng paghihirap ng mommy ko at ang dahilan kung bakit nasira ang pamilya ko.

Magulo. Nakakalito. Hindi ko alam ang mararamdaman ko para kay Red. Alin ang mas matimbang. My love for him or my hatred for what he had done?

Hindi ko masagot. Kapag nakatingin ako kay mommy at naiisip ang paghihirap na dinanas nya nagagalit ako sa mga Trentons pero kapag naiisip ko ang masaya naming pagsasama ni Red sa bahay nya nangungulila ako at kumikirot ang puso ko.

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It was a sunny monday morning kaya naisipan kong maglakad sa tabing dagat ng may mamataan akong isang pigura malapit sa batuhan. Nakatanaw sya sa akin at kahit malayo sya ay alam na alam ko na kung sino sya. Kilala sya ng puso ko dahil agad ang pagdoble ng pintig non. Tinungo ko ang direksyon kung nasan sya. And when I reach him I just stood beside him keeping my distance. He looked at me as if admiring my new look then his eyes became unreadable and guarded.

"You now know the truth." He was now looking at the sunrise at the horizon of the beach. Walang mababakas na emosyon sa pananalita nya.

"Yes. Are you here to get my mom again and imprison her?" Matigas at galit kong tanong sa kanya. Narinig ko ang malalim na pagbuntong hininga ni Red.

"I came here for you Sofie." Mahinang sabi nya

"What now? Am I to be kept captive by you? Are you here to kidnap me too?!" I said sarcasm is so evident in my voice. I saw him flinched and for a second I saw pain cross his handsome face but then it was blank once again.

"No Sofie. I came here to ask if your promise still true." He look at me after saying that with his questioning eyes, I look away.

"Looks like you change your mind." He looked at the sea in front of him.

"Lord knows how sorry I am for what I have done to you. I'm sorry Sofie for taking away your mom from you. I'm sorry for all the pain I have caused you." He took a deep breath and continue.

"I may have done all the bad things in the past but it thought me how to love the right way. I am nothing like my father but in some ways I am like him." He chuckles after saying that.

"They say that the Trentons' love runs deep, almost obsession-like. For years I told myself I wont love like that. I wont let one girl rule over me. I wont love at all. I saw how all the men in our family love like crazy men. I thought I am wiser but I was wrong. I am no exception at all." He closed his eyes as if he finds it hard to continue then opened them and look straight into mine, piercing my soul.

"And love mocked me because all the while I knew I am crazy inlove with you. You may not know me but I have been following you since the day I first saw you going to school in your pigtails. I have been following you everywhere, hence the uniforms you saw in the closet. I would dress up just so I can be near you, without you knowing it. I have been cleaning your school so I could just get a glimpse of you." He laughed as if remembering his past. My jaw dropped at his stalking confession.

"I tried stopping myself, believe me, I tried. I even denied it to myself. I told myself I'm only doing this because my father wanted to keep an eye if the Andrada are looking for Lily. But I cant help myself Sofie, I am obsess with you." He deeply sigh and I can see determination in his eyes to continue confessing.

"I even went to your engagement party just so I can put an end to my feelings, to hurt myself with the truth that you will never be mine. But you accidentally bump into me and talk to me I knew I can live just by that experience. I tried to mask my love for you, the last thing I wanted was to scare you with my feelings. But you came with me and I knew I have to push you away. God! You made it so hard for me, all those torturous nights that you sleep beside me. You dont know how much restraint I muster just not to touch you." He weakly smiled at me

"But I failed, didnt I?"  He brushed his hair in agitation.

"You made me happy beyond I could ever imagine Sofie. But at the same time it made me so fvcking scared. I told myself I should not let this love runs any deeper for I knew you could destroy me. You will be the end of me because you can never love me back not after all the things I have done to you and your family." Muli syang bumuntong hininga habang nakatingin sa malayo. I saw a glimpse of pain in his beautiful eyes and if he only look at me he can see my eyes mirror the same pain too.

"The Trentons love is both a gift and a curse. For me I consider it more of a gift, for loving you is something I will treasure all my life. I wont force you Sofie. I love you enough to be content experiencing you for a short time. I love you enough to let you go Sofie." Hinarap nya ako at kita ko ang pagmamahal at lungkot sa mga mata nya. He smiled but it didnt reach his eyes.

"Baby I love you so much. Thank you for letting me experience being with you. I understand if you hate me. I hope one day you find it in your heart to forgive me. Goodbye Sofie." He said and lean to me to kiss my forehead. Pagkatapos ay ngumiti muli sya na hindi umabot sa kanyang mata at nilagpasan nya ako. And all I did was stood there frozen. Rooted to the ground as he walk away. Lumabo ang paningin ko para lang marealize na luha na pala ang nagpapalabo ng mga yon.

And realization hit me. I knew I wont see him again and I felt my heart broke into a million pieces when he finally said his goodbyes.

Lady Lemonade:

(Waahhh... Naiyak ako dito habang sinusulat ko ang confession ni papa Red...now you know bakit ang sungit sungit ni papa pula...haha)