My first anniversary with Algee arrived and I was happy about it. When I met Algee Smith through a mutual friend, I didn't really like him like that. Our first date didn't go well, but I decided to give him another chance and I'll never regret it. He made me smile and laugh harder than I'd smiled or laughed in years. I fell for him quicker than I thought I would. We moved in together after only three months of dating. Our connection was crazy at times. It was like he was my other half. Yet, the deeper in love with him I fell, the guiltier I felt inside.
The source of my guilt was someone who took everything from me. Just thinking about him was enough to ruin an entire day for me. His name was Bryshere Gray, but most people knew him as Yazz and he was my everything before I met Algee. Yazz and I had known each other since middle school but didn't realize we were attracted to each other until eleventh grade. Our mismatched friendship turned into a surprisingly solid relationship. I'd been aware of his bipolar disorder since we were in sixth grade, but I didn't learn the depths of his struggle with the disorder until we began college. He'd been balanced up until that point and there really weren't too many warning signs that something had gone terribly wrong. On most days, I wouldn't even think about what happened. And then there were other days where it was all I could think about. The day of my first anniversary with Algee unexpectedly turned into one of those days. "Who's Yazz?" Algee asked me while I was taking our clothes out of the dryer in our building's laundry center. I immediately froze up and looked at him before asking, "Where did you hear that name?" "From you. Yesterday you were on the phone with Cassandra and..." "You eavesdropped on my conversation? Wow Algee, I can't believe you'd do that." "It was an accident, Peyton." "Yeah, right." I shook my head and went back to taking our clothes out of the dryer. "What all did you hear?" "You told her that you had a dream about Yazz and that he was trying to tell you something but no sound was coming from his mouth. Is he an ex?" "I don't think I'm ready for this conversation." "Baby..." "No, Algee. Now help me fold these clothes." He climbed down off of the washing machine he'd been sitting on and told me, "You know you can talk to me about anything." He laughed and I smirked at what he said. "All I want to talk to you about today is our plans for our anniversary." "I'm down for whatever you're down for, baby." He kissed my cheek and then began to help me fold our clothes. "Mmm, these smell fresh." "I know, right? It's a miracle I could get the funk out of your clothes." "Oh, you think you funny huh?" He laughed and started tickling me.
As much as I loved Algee, I wasn't ready to talk to him about Yazz. I first needed to get to a place where I could discuss what happened without crying or having a complete meltdown. I knew all Algee wanted to do was comfort me and get me through whatever problem I had, but I just couldn't push myself to tell him everything. How could I tell him that I'd been battling depression off and on the entire time he and I have been together? How could I tell him that I was still in love with my first love? Would he understand the reason why I will only sleep on the left side of our bed or why I keep the promise ring Yazz gave me in twelfth grade on my finger? It all seemed like too much to explain to him so I pushed it off yet again.
"You're tired?" he asked me as I climbed into our bed and lied down. "I thought we were gonna spend the day doing fun stuff."
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