R I P M Y Z O E

C H A P T E R E I G H T

I woke up in a hospital room. I could tell mostly because of the smell. That horrid smell of rubber and sadness. I looked down and I saw all these tubes. It wasn't long before I realized there was a tube in my chest. What the hell?

I looked around and no one was in my room which was thankful because I don't think I would've been able to look like this. This vulnerable, this helpless. I began to cry silently. What the hell is wrong with me?

I heard someone come into the room and I turned my head. My vision was still blurry from the tears. Soon enough the figure ran back out and this whole flood of doctors came in.

Ms. Janoah, do you feel anything? Is your chest hurting? Would you like me to remove the tube? These questions came at me like cross fire.

"Take the tube out, please," I said weakly and they nodded. It felt like something was tugging at my lungs. They stabbed me with something and I went numb, but I was still awake. I watched as they carried the tube away and sewed me up. I just watched as they did this.

It was like they spoke in parables. 'Breathing is normal. Heart rate is steady' everything they said sounded good. It's the news that I was scared of.

I finally gained feeling and they gave me something to eat. Like some weak ass shit though, like oatmeal and pudding. I don't even like oatmeal. But I ate it anyway, cuz I was hungry. When I finished eating, I asked for a milkshake and as I waited my mom came through the door. I haven't seen the woman for four months.

"Hi, mama," I said smiling at her.

"I'm glad you're okay," she said coming over to hug me. I stopped her. Every time I moved my torso it felt like it hurt.

"It hurts mama," I said and we started talking about what I've been doing these past few months. I told her about how I let someone in the mental institution become less aggressive by letting her see her family. Then about X, and me helping him with his anger issues.

"Baby. Did anything happen while you were taking care of Jahseh?", she asked me.

"He hurt me a couple of times," I said not telling the whole truth.

"Baby, the doctors said that you had a punctured lung. And it's been like that for weeks, they were lucky to save you," my mother told me holding my hand, "One of your ribs merely fractured. Hardly enough for you to notice any serious pain. It didn't heal like it was supposed to so pieces of it broke off and they cut into your lung, slowly filling it with blood. Soon enough your lung stopped working and you had too much blood in it. It started to fill the other, they said something about your brain shutting down halfway because of the loss of oxygen," she told me and I stared at her with disbelief.

"I would've known if he hurt me that bad. I would've know that I was dying," I said. She shook her head.

"I'm glad you're okay. It took me a while to process this too, but you're alive and breathing. I want you to stay away from that boy," my mom said to me and I nodded. I wanted to stay away from him myself.

I wasn't released until maybe a week after. I went back to work three days after I was released. Four days before I was supposed to go back. I was getting bored just doing nothing all day.

"Ms. Janoah," my boss said and I looked at him and smiled.

"Yes sir?", I said and he looked at me up and down.

"You aren't supposed to be here," he said and I nodded.

"I know. I'm just bored. I'll take any walk ins today," I said and I went to sit in my office.

I plugged in everything from my two weeks living with X and I suddenly got a knock on my door. I looked up and opened it and I saw X. Standing there with this sadness written on his face. I stared at him and he finally looked me in my eyes. He moved to hug me, but I put my hands up and backed away.

"Don't touch me," I said and he put his hands down and sighed

"Baby, I'm sorry," he said walking into the room and closing the door. Baby? Where he get that from?

"Yes. I know you're sorry. For fucking putting me in a deadly situation. I shouldn't have let you touch me. I should've left," I said pointing a finger at him.

"You don't understand how much it hurt-", he started but I cut him off.

"How much it hurt you to see me like that. Yeah well you don't understand how good it would feel if you just left me alone," I shot back at him. He didn't give rats ass about me. I was just his sex toy. He used me how I used Rodney. I'm never doing that to another human being again.

"I can't leave alone someone I like," he said and I looked at him and rolled my eyes.

"Get out," I said and he sighed and walked out of the door.

You should really not skip over that long ass paragraph about her condition. It may not be medically possible but yea.