Impractical Jokers Fanfics

Sal & Jess written for me by my bff @Rachelfuller987

Sal grumbled half to himself, half to the other three men on his mic.

Of course they'd wait until it was a cute girl.
Of fucking course.

"Say it. Just say it. It's too perfect." Joe crowed. "Come on, do it!" Murr chuckled.

"An Avacado, huh?"
The woman looked at him, nearly bored looking. "Yes."
"I'd like to avaca-do you, if you know what I mean".
As the womans face became a laughing yet surprised smile, he was surprised she couldn't hear the roaring laughter coming from his ear piece.
She stuttered out a laugh as she put milk jugs onto the conveyor.

" SAY YOU HAVE NICE JUGS " roared Q.
"No." Sal mumbled. But he really didn't want to lose.
"Come on, say it! Nice jugs...oh!" Joe stopped as she placed a bag of sugar up next. "Say nice jugs sugar tits!". Q said.

Sal looked at the hidden camera. The woman was still smiling. He was surprised.
He thought she'd have slapped him.
"Milm...two gallons...oh and sugar? Nice jugs sugartits." he said as fast as possible. He felt heat rush to his face

Again his friends roared with laughter as the womans face contorted. This time it was less amused.
"Listen. I don't know what your deal is-"
"Say your deal is she makes you as hot as that hot house tomato." Murr chimed in.
"My deal?" Sal quickly interrupted her.
"Yeah, your-"
"My deal is you make me hot as that hot house tomato."

Her mouth went back into a smile.
She refused to interact with him much after. Sal had earned a pass.
But he didn't enjoy it very much, pissing the pretty lady off.

Sal was busy trying to rush back, going to trade places with Joe.
He saw a production manager talking to her.
He slowed, then lingered, pretending something had his interest.
"Okay, so, Jess, I'm a producer for a show called impractical jokers...that's a star, Sal."
Sal waved at her. She didn't seem nearly as mad now, her smile killing him.
"If you could sign here..."
She took the pen and jot her name down. "So what do they do?"
The producer was trying to shoo Sal, but Sal wanted to answer her.
"Tell each other to do stupid shit. Of course they'd make me say all that to a prettu girl."
She grinned. Sal felt smooth. "What happens if you don't do it?". She was genuinely curious. He was kind of happy she hadn't seen his show.
" You lose...and have to do more dumb shit."
She laughed.
"I'm surprised they didn't make me ask for your number after that." He ventured.
"Why? Didn't want to?"
"No! Not that... I did, you just- you're cute so-"
"Listen" she cut him off now "You're lucky you're so cute. Usually I'd have choked a bitch."

Sal smiled and ducked his head.
"So? " she asked.
"Wanna give me your number, get dinner sometime?" He sounded very hopeful.
"Yes. I'd like that. But no more food puns."
Sal gave her a full smile as she entered her number on his phone. He could hear his friends in his ear "I can't believe this. Wow."

Sal and Jess parted, both excited and amused.