After Rain ✅

[ eight ] not living

It was at 3 am when my eyes closed for a while, only to be opened by a horrifying dream. When I woke up, my neck was drenched with sweat and my tongue felt dry. The dream was a present like a vivid image inside my head.

I saw myself on that rooftop again, standing behind Lee. With each step I took forward, she repeated it too, until she was standing at the edge of the roof. When Lee fell and vanished into thin air, leaving blood splattered on my face, I saw Bianca. coming up from the shadows and telling me it was my fault. I saw Mr. Trey coming from the other side and repeating the same thing. I saw Jade and Zaid and worst of all, I saw Ms. Aqaab there, telling me it was my fault that her daughter had died.

When I woke up and drank water from my bedside, I saw someone had messaged me on my phone. I nearly died of relief when I realized it was my brother. Keith had said he was on a road trip with a bunch of friends and that's why he couldn't reply.

''You are still awake?'' My door opened slightly and Ronnie emerged, looking extremely un-Ronnie like. Her hair were a mess and there were dark circles under her eyes.

''Close the door.'' I told her, we couldn't wake up mom or dad. She closed it slowly and came to stand by my bed,

''Why are you up at three in the morning? I heard you shrieking! Why the heck were you yelling?''

''I did? I'm not sure.''

Ronnie made a face, ''Nicola, this isn't the first time either...how long has this been going on?''

''Its not what you think.'' I told her weakly but Ronnie was a stubborn soul, she was the sort of person who preferred to believe that things were not okay.

''Not what I think?'' She demanded, running a hand through the mess of her hair, ''Nic, have you even been sleeping?''

I had tried. I had really tried to sleep properly. I had even tried to sneak mom's pills and have some but I knew I would be in a bigger problem if that happened.

''Its not insomnia,'' I tried to assured her, ''I can breathe just fine.''

Ronnie snorted, ''Nic I have been trying to hold myself back but I don't think I can take this anymore. At first I thought you were just sad that your friend died but now I know something is seriously wrong.''

''How can you speak about that so casually?'' I demanded, feeling angry all of the sudden. If Bianca and Jade and the rest of the school wasn't enough to remind me, if Zaid's gaze every single day wasn't enough to remind me.

''Because you won't bloody talk about it!'' She shouted suddenly, forgetting that we weren't suppose to be so loud, she dropped her voice while glancing at my door, ''Its been months Nic, months. I haven't heard you talk about her a single day, I haven't heard you cry, you didn't even attend her funeral.''

I rubbed my temples, ''I'm begging Ronnie, please stop talking about her.''

A moment was silence followed, I thought she would leave the room but she didn't move from her spot, ''Nicola, have you looked at the mirror in the morning, have you looked closely?'' The mirror? The mirror always showed me blood on my face and Lee's anguish filled face, not mine, ''you look like a dead person to me.''

''Is that what you think?''

''You are not living? You are just being here and there's a difference. I know that you're probably traumatized but to me it looks like you don't even want to try. To me...it looks like you don't even think anymore, that you don't feel anymore. That you don't think about future or the present and you are still stuck in the past.''