Beauty Comes in More Sizes than Zero

Chapter 14

The floor was littered with pictures, presents and letters. Cassie's smiling face looking up at the camera with her arms wrapped around Brian time and time again.

We had decided that it was time all this junk go to the trash, with Cassie and Brian being over for two weeks already there truly was no point in having all these things taking up so much space. Plus, they served virtually no purpose at this point; they did nothing but break Cassie's heart over and over again, and I for one was all for putting an end to that cycle.

"I just can't believe it's really over." The heartbroken girl muttered as she lifted one of the many snapshots from the floor. "I can't believe it's done."

I watched as she examined the captured moment, her head was thrown back in a laugh and her arms were around a smiling Brian's neck. His hands had a firm grip om her waist and his eyes were on nothing but her. It truly was a beautiful moment; one that I knew she would probably never forget.

"This was at his cousins wedding last year." She muttered, her thumb outlining the shape of the shot. "I was so nervous to be invited because it meant finally meeting his family..."

I looked over at my friend from where she sat surrounded by her years of memories; her hair was thrown up into a messy bun on the top of her head, her eyes were blood shot and she hadn't showered in way longer then was socially acceptable.

"Oh Cassie." I cooed, reaching my arm out to her. "Let's leave this, we can finish another day, or if you want I can finish it for you."

A tear slipped from her eye and her fingers twiddled in her lap. "I just can't believe how I ignored all the signs, I thought he made me happy Kells, I really did."

This time I actually got up, wrapping Cassie in a big hug when I approached her; "that's not true Cas. He has us all fooled; there were no signs."

Cassie took a deep breath, wiping a fallen tear from where it landed on her leg. "There were though, in the beginning... never-mind, you don't have to lie to protect me."

I looked over at my friend expectantly - I didn't remember Cassie ever complaining about Brian; unless of course she was complaining that she wanted to see him. But I guess we all have selective memories sometimes, perhaps it's the only way we knew how to protect ourselves.

"In the beginning..." She repeated, her eyes dropping to the scattered pictures once again. "It was like sometimes he would pretend he didn't know me in front of his friends, but sometimes he would treat me like Cinderella."

My mouth fell open as her words sunk in, the shock wracking my body. I couldn't believe Cassie would let a boy do that to her - not even I would let that slide. "Cassie..."

More tears built up in her eyes as she hung her head in shame. "I know; I'm so pathetic!"

"Stop," I yelled, lifting her head to face me. "You're not pathetic, don't say that!"

"You're human Cassie and humans aren't perfect. And I know that everyone - including me - has treated you like you were as close to perfect as there is your entire life, but that wasn't fair. To put that kind of pressure on you Cassie; that wasn't fair!"

Cassie nodded, sniffling as she pulled at a strand of her hair that had fallen from her bun.

"Maybe you should take some of your own advice," she said hesitantly. "And maybe don't put so much pressure on the boys in your life for you to be happy... and also, maybe I should go shower..."

I chuckled as I nodded along, "yeah, I love you, but maybe you should."

Cassie lifted herself off the floor and looked down at the spot where she left me, "thank you Kelly, I love you!"

I watched as she slipped out of the room and turned towards the bathroom, my brain racking as her words settled in. It was obvious she was referring to the great Josh and Connor debacle, and the explosion that followed; and I openly admitted I had made quite a few mistakes in how I dealt with the whole situation; namely the part where I stalked the crap out of Serena – Connors beautiful colleague – and then broke up with him over text a few days later.

But still, it was weird to hear my heartbroken best friend speak of such things so openly.

I lifted myself up from inside the circle of photos – or the tenth circle of hell as Cassie had been referring to it in the last few days - and made my way towards the living room. Beginning to clean up the mess that was left from Cassie's crying fest the night before; wrappers and dirty tissues littering the floor.

Okay, maybe, I could have been nicer, and not judged them so quickly. Maybe they were only human too. Maybe Josh had gotten overwhelmed and confused and maybe Connor never really owed me anything – including exclusivity.

Suddenly my heart rate accelerated; what had I done? I had been so quick to be hurt and mad, so quick to blame and bash and I never really took a second to look at myself, at what I had done; who I had hurt.

"Cassie," I called, throwing the half full bag of trash on the ground as I ran out the door. "I need to do something; I'll be back later!"

Without waiting for her reply, I rushed out the door and down to my car; slipping in and driving off as fast as I could. As I raced down the city streets I knew I was well above the legal speed limit, but for once I just didn't care.

I swerved into the right lane and made a quick turn into the parking lot of Hamilton Co. hopping out of my car and up to my old floor as fast as my feet would take me.

"Josh." I called, desperately trying to catch my breath as I swung into his office. "Josh!"

My ex-boss look startled as I stood there before him. "Kelly?"

I nodded, looking around to make sure we were alone before closing his office door. "Yeah, uh... do you have a minute? I need to talk to you!"

Josh got up from behind his desk and hesitantly took a couple steps towards me. "Yeah, what's up?"

"Josh" I breathed, desperately trying to form the right words. "I'm sorry. Oh my god I'm so sorry! I was stressed out and scared and there was the whole thing with Connor – which you know - and I took it out on you..." I breathed, rubbing roughly at my eyes. "You're amazing, and kind and loving. You made a mistake, said something stupid but that's okay, because you're human - not perfect. And I wouldn't want you to be perfect, perfect is boring, perfect is predictable, perfect isn't you. And I love you! And I know I screwed up, but please Josh, please forgive me for making a mistake. Because I'm not perfect either, I'm worse than 'not perfect,' I'm broken, but I want to love you Josh. I want to love you with all my broken pieces!"

Josh stared at me, stunned into a deafening silence. For minutes I stood there and waited for him to answer, but he seemed to have some internal battle going on and couldn't find the words to say.

"You know what?" I muttered, "don't answer!"

"Huh?"

"Don't answer." I repeated, "not until you're ready. I want you to do what makes you happy, without the pressure of having me standing here. Because me? Josh, I love you, but no matter what you answer, I'm going to be happy."

THE END