This is for @Plasmakitty906
Name: Hazelstar
Good name.
Looks: Dark-ginger she-cat with green eyes
Too many she-cat OCs!!!! But the looks are okay, but a little overused. Oh well.
Rank: Leader
I added this because the rank was in the format.
Death Age and Cause: 110 moons, greencough
Good.
Nature: Kind, patient, secretive
What do you mean "secretive?" That is not a part of a personality.
Mother: Flameflower- Ginger she-cat
Father: Cloudstorm- White tom
Littermates: Amberheart- Light ginger she-cat
Mate: Cinderclaw- Dark gray tom
Kits: Emberwing- Ginger tom, Cherrypelt- Light-ginger she-cat, Grayfeather- Dark gray tom
Great names and appearance choices.
Clan: StormClan
Nice made-up Clan. I like it.
Backstory: Hazelstar was once a loner named Hazel, who lived with her sister Amber and her father Cloud. These are really loner names? They sound more just like half warrior names. Her Clan-born mother, Flameflower, was killed by wolves when she was born. Are there even wolves within the camp area? Sorry, unrealistic. When her home was burnt by a fire, her father took her to the Clans. She fell in love with a NatureClan warrior named Thornfur, after an argument with Cinderclaw. Okay, but not great. Thornfur was killed by a badger, and Hazelfur only had Cinderclaw. After having kits, she became clan leader and died of Greencough seasons later. Her mate, Cinderclaw, was killed shortly after leadership, and Emberwing, now Emberstar, is the Clan leader.
Alrightie. Please include the rank in the description. I know that it's easy to tell that your OC is leader, but some outsiders might not understand the "star"/leader concept. You could do better with your grammar in the backstory, use more commas mainly. I edited it for you so that all the commas that were left out wouldn't be abandoned forever. Also, there are some things in the backstory that are very unrealistic. Your names and looks are things I approve of. Except for the names of the loners, Amber and Cloud, half of warrior names. Overall, nice job, Plasmakitty906!
7.3 out of 10
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Warriors OC Ratings
FanfictionI mean, these are out everywhere, so I might as well do them myself. All you have to do is comment your OC according to the OC format. Make sure to make it realistic. I will (hopefully) respond within the next week or two and rate your OC on a scale...
