Forever Agape [FS#1]

HELL

When you were young, you want to reach for the stars because you think it's the easiest goddamn thing to do. Mababa ang langit at kayang abutin ang mga bituin, you always remind yourself about that. Perhaps, those dreams we made when we were young are the purest because we strive hard to achieve them. But as we grow older, as reality slaps us right in the face, we intend to forget them. One by one.

A dream. It's always been a dream of every child to meet their version of a prince. Aside from the fancy gowns and shining pieces of jewelry, a princess needs a prince too! You don't want to spend your whole life roaming in a castle alone, do you? It would be a lie if I say I did not dream of that too as a child.

Nag-angat ako ng tingin upang makita ang lalaking nasa aking harapan, mula sa ilalim ng mesa ay naikuyom ko ang aking dalawang kamay. Diretso ang tingin nito sa pagkain at hindi pinansin ang matalim kong titig. His presence irritates the hell out of me, and knowing that he is just meters away, parang gusto ko na lang tumayo at iwan siyang mag-isa dito.

A dream, I would say. I dream to have a man, but not like this one. Not this piece of shit. A total jerk, a merciless king.

Hindi ko ginalaw ang pagkaing nakahain, it's not that I am not thankful but I think I just lose my appetite to eat. Every goddamn time that we need to sit in front of each other like this, I just want to puke. Nakakadiri, nakakarimarim, putangina na lang.

I don't even know what the hell was my parents were thinking when they made this decision when they planned to arrange me in a marriage with this one. If they want me to marry someone, at least choose the best! This guy, oh merciful God, he is the worst.

"You know, instead of ignoring each other, we should start making a plan on how we can stop this marriage." Nakita ko kung paano niya dahan-dahang ibaba ang hawak na kutsara at tinidor, napalunok ako nang dahil doon. "You don't want this too, I know." Pagkukumbinsi ko pa.

He finally looked at me. Nagtama ang aming mata, ilang segundo lang iyon ngunit kaagad akong umiwas. Para bang lumubog ang puso ko, hindi dahil sa kilig, ngunit dahil sa dilim ng kanyang tingin. It was madness, a raging fire in his eyeballs.

"The feeling is mutual," He told me. I sigh, minasahe ko ang sentido habang nakapikit ang mata. God, I don't want to look at his eyes again.

I don't know this guy, I mean ang pagkatao niya, yet it's been weeks since we live under one roof. Mula nang magsama kami sa iisang bahay, wala pa kaming pag-uusap na matino. He's so silent, and who knows he's planning to murder me?

"That's the point, hindi mo rin gusto pero bakit pumayag ka?" Iminulat ko ang mata at sa pangalawang pagkakataon, nag-angat ng tingin sa kanya. Now, it feels like death greeted me. Ipinatong niya ang likod sa sandalan ng upuan at humalukipkip. "This is crazy, you know? Magpanggap na mayroong namamagitan sa ating dalawa dahil balang araw ay ikakasal tayo." Diretsong sabi ko.

"Bakit ka pumayag? Kung ayaw mo, bakit hindi ka pa umalis? It's because your parents told you so, it's because my father told me so. There is nothing between us, it's between our families." Tumayo siya at kinuha ang pinagkainan. Inilagay niya iyon sa sink at kaagad na humarap sa akin.

"So now what? Wala ka talagang plano? Absurd! Pakiramdam ko ay isa ka rin sa sumisira ng buhay ko!" I screamed. Tumayo rin ako at inalis ang takot na salubingin ang kanyang titig.

Isa kang kalaban ni Lord, bwisit ka.

I know I am rich, I can buy anything. I know the world weighs too much because of our prominence and wealth, but I want to create my own name. I want to be an Architect, not an obsessed business woman na ipagkakasundo ang anak niya! This is not my dream at all.