Words Unspoken

"You're Wasting Your Time"

Just ignore this:

You know what? Maybe I will stop trying. I'll stop trying to make you happy, I'll stop trying to make you feel less lonely, because all you do is put me down and say I'm wasting my time; I know what you really want, over and over again you want me to tell you why I won't stop trying and why I'll always be there for you.

Do you honestly want me to stop trying? Then again, even though I'm here for you you constantly call yourself lonely and shit. You obviously have no idea how much that fucking hurts; you make me feel like everything I'm doing is for NOTHING, like I'm not even fucking there, like the hell am I here for?

I love you but at the same time I hate you. I fucking pity you at times. You're sitting here acting like you have no one when I'm RIGHT FUCKING HERE, then you have the AUDACITY to say you're alone and will forever be alone. You know what? Maybe you deserve to be alone. Maybe I SHOULD stop trying. Maybe you're that one person who I won't be able to help.

Honestly you make life so much more fucking difficult, you honestly don't know how useless you make me feel but I still fucking love you and have the will to try and help you. You make me wonder if it's even worth it, PEOPLE LIKE YOU ARE THE REASON I CAN NEVER BELIEVE IN MYSELF, YOU MAKE ME FEEL LIKE SHIT WHO CANT EVEN GET ONE THING RIGHT OR MAKE ANYONE FUCKING HAPPY.

Then you run off wanting the approval of some immature brat who will do nothing but crush your feelings and turn people against you when you make her mad ONCE, someone who barely knows or cares that you exist. The only reason they even TALK to you is because your character is involved with their character in SOME way. I've known her, I've been close to her, I know her true fucking colors but if it takes her snapping at you for you to get it through your thick skull then by all means go ahead. :)

My friend jerseywhore says I should drop you and honestly I should, but I just feel so fucking bad for you and SOMEHOW have love for you still. Tbh I will admit I had a small crush on you once if that makes you feel a bit more loved? I know it doesn't cause you're never fucking satisfied. I can't tell you how many times I was on the verge of tears and my girlfriend Dreammer-bey had to cheer me up and we haven't even been dating that long... you and her are like opposites; she makes me feel like everything, while you make me feel like nothing.

At least jerseywhore is trying. She doesn't constantly put me down. Dealing with her shit isn't as nearly as bad as yours. She gives me hope and she actually shows that she WANTS me here to help. Maybe she feels as if I can't help her at all but at least she doesn't fucking say it, especially over and over making me feel like I'm actually wasting my time.

Maybe one day I'll stop trying. Maybe that would make you happy??? If you don't want me around just fucking say it. Stop fucking stalling. Maybe I am wasting my time on you, maybe I've struggled for no reason. Maybe you need some tough love? Since I'm not enough, maybe you don't need me here, maybe one day I'll finally leave, then you'll be completely lonely again JUST LIKE YOU FUCKING WANT. ISNT THAT WHAT YOU FUCKING WANT? ALL YOU HAVE TO DO IS DAY I T.

I don't care if you're joking or not
Please, stop.

I want to be friends. I want to help you. I fucking love you whether you like it or not and I'm TRYING. I don't want to leave, I love talking to you and hanging out, you're an amazing person to me... but you're making me feel like I don't have a choice... I honestly wish I could show you this, but it might damage or even end our friendship so I won't...