Guilty (A Ghost Bird FanFiction)

7. Never Can Say Goodbye

Sang

With only one quick stop for Hobbes and a questionably fast speed through most of Virginia, Luke and I finally made it to Columbia. "Are we too early?" I asked, hoping we were. Hoping this wasn't the end.

"Unfortunately no," he replied, pointing at a black SUV across the park we'd agreed to meet at.

"Oh. Well... I guess that's good then." My voice sounded thin, but I couldn't help it. I wasn't able to mask my feelings, as much as I wished I could. Summer had said it best this morning when I'd talked to her during my walk with Hobbes — I liked Luke, I just didn't know what to do about it. And now, just like that, our road trip together was over. She had suggested I ask him out, but I was a bundle of nerves around him to begin with and I didn't think I could handle that kind of rejection if it was coming. Plus, he'd told Reed I was his friend. Wasn't friends good enough?

"Yeah," he sighed. "But this was fun, Sang."

I laughed. "You sure? After everything?"

"Of course," he insisted, smiling. "I'll never forget it." I was still warring with myself about what I should do when he held out a small white paper bag. "I got these for you and Hobbes."

Oh my god. "A gift? Luke, I..."

"It's nothing fancy," he admitted. "I just thought you'd like it."

I reached in and pulled out a rubber ball covered in a pastel crab print. I squeezed it, and the squeak piqued Hobbes's interest immediately. "Well Hobbes will be happy," I said, sharing a smile with him. I felt something else and pulled out a metal keychain. On it was a cartoon crab with the words Just a little crabby in Maryland. I loved it.

"I figured it was more appropriate after I bought it, considering what that state put us through," he said, showing me he had one just like it. "Is it ok, or...?"

I realized I hadn't said anything and I tucked it into my palm, smiling at him. "It's perfect," I breathed. I slipped it on my keyring right away and knew I just had to be content with where things went. If anything, Hobbes and I now had something that would always remind us of Luke Taylor.

He grinned. "I'm glad." He glanced back at the waiting SUV and sighed. "I should let you go," he reasoned. Stay. "Just so you're not on the road when it's too dark."

He hugged me tightly, and then all too quickly he was gathering his duffle bag from the trunk and offering me a wave. Hobbes whined softly as Luke made his way to his friend's car, and I let him move up to the front seat so that I could pet him more easily. "I know," I whispered, watching Luke open the passenger door and glance back one last time. "I really screwed this up, didn't I?" Hobbes just blew out air and settled down, curling up and looking at me with what I was sure was irritation. I sighed. "Come on, let's go see Marie."

***

I'd been driving for an hour or so when my phone rang. It had started raining the further south I drove, and I was hoping Luke and his friends weren't getting any of it so that they could enjoy their weekend. When I realized it was Marie calling I put it on speaker. "Hey. I know, I'm running late. My car—"

"Sang, it's over."

"What?" I didn't know if I was hearing her correctly. Hobbes was making noise as he chewed on what was probably the ball Luke had bought in the front seat, and the rain was falling a bit harder now. That, combined with the roar of the traffic, was drowning out Marie's words.

"The funeral's over," she said again, and the iciness of her tone wasn't new, but I was having a hard time reconciling what she was saying with what she meant.

"It's over," I repeated, blinking furiously through the rain pelting my windshield. "The service?" It wasn't supposed to be until tomorrow.

"We thought it best—"

"Who's we?" I interrupted, tightening my grip on the steering wheel.

"Well, dad and I," she admitted. "We didn't want any negative energy here, Sang. She's my mother, and you coming would just..."

I hadn't misunderstood. She'd lied about the day. Of course she had. After everything else, it shouldn't have surprised me.

"But you knew I was coming," I said thickly. "I just got into South Carolina a couple hours ago."

"I'm sorry. I didn't know, I thought I'd be able to catch you before—"

"No you aren't," I interrupted, unashamed of the anger lacing my voice. "You're not sorry. You knew when I'd be here, of course, because I told you. So you knew I'd be in South Carolina by now. What, I was too late to catch the tail end of the service like you'd wanted? Sorry for that," I said sarcastically. The rain was falling even harder now, the windshield wipers moving at a frantic pace that seemed to match just how quickly my own heart was beating, rage and anguish filling every pore.

"You know what? You're right, I'm not," she muttered. "Don't bother coming. I told you that last week. She's gone. And if you're looking for closure, how's this — you were nothing to her. Less than nothing. Right at the end all she talked about was how much of a sleazy fuck-up you are. Hope that helps you forgive and forget," she mocked. The line went dead and I was glad, since I was too angry to think properly. 

But it was over. The reason I'd driven all this way had been snatched out from underneath me. I realized then that my vision wasn't blurry from the rain but from my own tears, and I hated how her words could still affect me, how much I wanted affection from a family I knew would never give it. I was so desperate, I realized. Desperate and pathetic. Less than nothing. Maybe she was right.

I contemplated driving past the house anyway and took the exit that would lead me there as if on autopilot. At a red light I glanced at Hobbes, who was still furiously chewing on something. I'd thought it was the ball Luke had bought him, but I noticed then that it wasn't making any noise. "Hobbes, what've you got there?" I asked, reaching for whatever he was preoccupied with. From its shape it was nothing close to a ball. I managed to wrestle it away from him to find that he'd done a number on what looked like it had been a wallet at one point. Bite marks and slobber covered the thing, and I flicked it open, avoiding Hobbes's drool as much as I could. Luke's beaming face stared back at me.

"It's Luke's," I said softly, and Hobbes tilted his head, watching me with a curious expression. "Was it up here?" I asked. Hobbes didn't say anything of course, still watching me just holding the wallet. "He's gonna need this," I thought aloud. "I should..."

Hobbes barked, and I decided that this was fate intervening. Maybe my family wasn't the reason I was meant to take this trip. Maybe it had been Luke all along.

I had another chance.

"We're going to find Luke," I announced, glancing at Hobbes. "What do you think?" He yipped happily, lunging for the wallet again. "No bud, you've already done enough damage to this." I tossed him the ball and he chomped on it eagerly, leaving me to inspect the wallet. I kept my grip on it as I made a large U-turn when the light changed, heading back to the exit.

I tried calling him before I merged onto the highway, but his phone was going straight to voicemail now. It was a bit of a problem, but one I was willing to deal with if it got my mind off of everything.

Myrtle Beach, here I come.