crush » [n. horan au]

diary entry #16

thursday, september 12th @ 16:25

                oh my god. i can't believe this happened i can't stop crying. i feel like i'm going to puke and vomit and i feel dizzy right now.

                it's niall.

                it's his birthday tomorrow and he didn't come to school today. i haven't talked to him since last week and i really wanted to apologize for running out on him. i asked his friends where he was and they all turned silent. one of them told me he was in the hospital for suicide attempt.

                hospital.

                suicide attempt.

                oh my god, i almost threw up right then and there. i felt like the walls were closing in and i couldn't breathe. i cried again. it feels like that's all i do lately. the only person that made school better for me is in a hospital because of a suicide attempt.

                i wish i could've stopped him. i wish i was there to tell him that i love him and that i can't live without him. his friends told me he was stable, for now. he tried to hang himself. it made my stomach churn. i couldn't bear the thought of that.

                i love him so so so much.

                                                                                                                                                        - cassie