Left Behind

Chapter 4

Hanna

I'm shaking so hard that the coffee is trembling in my hands. It would be a shame if I let it fall, it's the only thing that I've been able to eat. I spent the last night on my bathroom floor, when I was trowing up the pizza I had for dinner last night.

I'm in a car stuck in traffic on my way to the firm. To say that I'm terrified is an euphemism. This firm was my dad's life. He built it from the bottom, along with his best friends Henry Bartwood and Bill Henderson. They were young and ambitious. Tough they had family money, they worked hard to conquer their name in the law community. My dad's dream was for me to follow his steps and I did it gladly. All I wanted was to be as great as he was. I am now a very good lawyer and that's why I'm back, that's what my father always wanted for me. While I was gone I asked my uncle Terry to take care of my part of the firm. He was already a great lawyer with a big name, so was actually a good thing that he was in the firm. But now it's time for me to stop running and hiding from my mistakes and fears and do what he would wanted for me to do.

Being back at my dad's beloved firm is not the only thing that's scaring me of course. Working through my grief is one of the things my therapist told me to do. The hardest part of being back is to face Ethan.

The last time I saw him was in the night before the wedding. I left him that day. I was so afraid and scared, my father had died six months before. His lost was so sudden. In the morning I was talking to him, in the afternoon he was gone. He was my best friend, he was the person I would always run to when I was confuse or scared. And not having him during the most important time of my life was devastating. I wasn't feeling ready to marry Ethan, tough I loved him so much. I was just so scared and afraid not to make it right. So instead of talking to him and facing it, I ran. I ran and left him behind, and all the people and things that mattered. I left Ethan and I know I hurt him so badly. I'm sure he will always hate me.

We never talked again. He tried to reach me but I needed space, I needed time. I was so depressed and confuse. But I got to work it out and now I'm back and we'll work together now, as partners. And I'm not sure I'll go through this day without passing out.

I know I gotta be strong because I'm not the victim. But it will hurt like a bitch to see him with his perfect fiancee Chloe. Kurt told me about her the time we met back in London. He said she helped him to get over me and that she's brilliant and she makes him happy. I can't even be jealous, I'm the one who left him. I'll just be professional and neutral.

The car parks in front of the building, I thank the driver and head to the entrance. My uncle Terry is waiting for me at the hall.

"Hanna, my darling." He hugs me and kisses my cheek. He looks so much like my dad standing here in this building that I have to swallow the ball in my throat.

"Uncle Terry. Thank you for receiving me."

He smiles. Uncle Terry is younger then my dad, he always followed my father's steps having him by his hero. He's been taking care of me since my father's death and I can't never thank him enough for what he did to me.

"Of course my dear." He holds my arm as he leads me to the elevator. "How are you? Nervous?"

I look at him honestly. "Terrified." I confess. "It's not just being here again, you know... There's Ethan." I sigh. "I keep doubting if I did the right thing. My return is gonna turn things upside down and I'm not sure it will be a good thing."

The elevator is climbing up slowly. My uncle gives me one soft smile and caress my cheek.

"Sometimes is necessary to turn things upside down so we can heal and movie on. It's never guaranteed what will come from it, but it's inevitable."

I bite my lips fighting the urge to ask. "How is he? Is he here?"

Uncle Terry sighs witch is a terrible sign. "Yes. But he's quiet. He hasn't said a word that wasn't about work."

This ain't good but I can't do anything about it. Ethan hates me and I know he won't hide it. That's not how he is. Ethan is the most truest person I know.

I nod and take a deep breath as I see the number hit 24.

"You ready?" My uncle asks squeezing my arm.

I can't say it because I feel like I'll never be, but I nod.

The door opens and a few smiling faces stare at me.

"Welcome back Miss Firth." They all say at once.

They must be the interns and assistants. I'm flattered, I didn't expect it at all. I smile crosses my face as I walk in and greet everyone. My uncle is at my side and tells me that Henry and the others are waiting for me in the conference room.

I'm distracted with all the welcomes and nice words they're saying to me when I enter the room. I'm smiling but it drops when I spot him in the end of the room. He looks straight at me. My whole body aches for longing the second it recognizes him.

"Hanna!" Henry comes with arms open for a hug.

"Hi uncle Henry."

He lets me go and holds my face in his chubby hands. "It was about time."

I feel tears burning my eyes, but I refuse to let them go. It's not time for that, I can do it later at home.

"Thank you." I said to him as he steps away from me.

Chloe walks towards me and reaches for my shaking hand.

"Hello Hanna. It's good to have you back.I'm looking forward to work with you."

She is looking at me and I'm not ashamed to say that I search for any hiding intention in her face. But she looks genuinely glad. I remember her being a really nice person when we were interns together.

"Thank you, Chloe."

She steps aside and the only person left to greet is Ethan. He has his hands tanked in his pockets and his shoulders and jaw are tense.

"Hanna." He says.

To listen my name in his voice makes something inside me roll painfully.

"Ethan." I say back in shaky voice. I'm barely holding it together.

He says nothing more, he just sits on one of the big wood table chairs. The air in the room is thick. If anyone had a knife could cut it in slides. The rest of us sits too and Henry and Terry start to talking about business. What I'm gonna do, the cases I'm familiar with and all the matters.

The whole time I nod and agree, but I'm fighting not to look at him. My eyes are starving after three years. I have seen him in pictures along the years, but seeing him now it's something else. He changed. He's bigger, strong shoulders and arms; his hair is shorter, his skin softy. I have always loved the combination of his dark eyes and hair with his pale skin. He is all man, but his lips are soft and beautiful. I can see a scar under his chin, it's new. It means he still plays. It feels good to know that some things didn't change.

"So Hanna, you will work as a back up in the Cage case with Ethan." Henry says bringing me back to business. "It's been one of those tricky cases and it will be good for you to rearrange."

I can see Ethan moving in his chair through the corner of my eye. This won't be easy, but companies are also my special field so is natural we work together. I just have to focus on my job.

After Henry and Terry are finish clarifying everything, Ethan stands up saying he has work to finish. He doesn't look at me, just leaves.

My heart is so squeeze inside my chest.

This was the first step.

There's so much more to come.