Through Wind and Fire (LOTR)

XXII

I may have no choice, for Aragorn has elected to take the Paths of the Dead and overtake the Corsairs of Umbar who head toward Gondor. And I will follow him, for he is my friend, and members of Fellowship we have been together, bound forever, until death sunder our friendship. This would be one of his steps to claiming the throne that is rightfully his, and I would see the King of Gondor return to his throne rather than live on.

We rode to Isengard, and a palantir was thrown at us, which Gandalf kept with him. Fangorn was quite near, and I found myself drawn to that forest, but Mithrandir called to me, saying it is not my time. I do plan to explore the forest with Gimli, if I survive this war. Now as for the palantir, young Peregrin looked into it, and gave us a glimpse of what the Enemy plans next. The two hobbits, so merry are they, but the encounter Pippin had with the Dark Lord has scarred his memory, and he is a little more solemn than he was before. Still jubilant, but his usual spirited self is dampened.

It brightened my spirits to see the hobbits once again, even if they were eating and smoking without us. Smoking is really a dreadful habit, but I have learned to deal with it. I did wish to know how Saruman came upon the wine, akin to that of my father's Dorwinion. They were merry and joyful, and most importantly, alive. More safe than we had been in the Hornburg.

Sauron plans to strike Gondor next, and in Edoras we wait to decide what happens. The twins are here, along with members of the Grey Company, the Dunedain of the North. Only now have they arrived. Naught have the twins spoken to me of Authiel, and I dare not ask. I fear to hear what she has done, if she has left. No longer do I doubt my love for her, and even in that she understood her love first, I wonder if she aches as I ache for her.

The city is full of activity, yet it is quiet. Still mourning occurs, sadness covers them like the shade of a large tree. The sun glows, the grass waving in the cool breeze. Horses can be heard neighing, and many marshals walk in and out of the King's Hall. The Golden Hall of Meduseld it is named, and rightly so. A sort of homely feeling it gives, yet grand. Fit for the King of the Mark.

I wander the paths around the hall, in the gardens and wildflowers. Nature exhilarates a weighty spirit. To look upon the creation that sings to its Maker with its beauty is breathtaking, the view of the Sun slowly sinking into the ocean of the horizon. If only this beauty could be so enjoyed without all the problems and dangers that plague all of our minds.

Many things torment my mind, so many futures that could play out. For so long, I thought I knew what I wanted in life, how I thought I should live. Now do Lady Galadriel's words plague my mind, and what the future holds is altogether frightening to me. If I could plan it, and it would all come to pass, I know precisely what I would have happen. The Ring would be destroyed, Aragorn crowned king, I would return to Rivendell, take Authiel with me, and go back to Mirkwood. Yet what has been said is true. Home is not a building, nor is it a place, but rather where one's heart and affection lies. My home is with my father. And with Authiel. I long for her to be here, if only for a short time, just enough time to tell her of my love. To hold her in my arms and kiss her. The ache becomes more unbearable the more I think of her, but never would I stop.

I love her. With her, all my fantasies were melted away, and were replaced with something much grander and more real. Instead of sweeping an elleth off her feet with flattery and eloquent words, love found me in the form of a friendship.

Will someone not strike me now, for breaking her heart? The memory is as clear as glass, her confession still plays in my mind often. I left without saying anything, without telling her anything except 'Namarie'. She kissed me. It was real, something within no longer allows me to believe it was forced. It was more feeling and passionate than any of the kisses I ever gave Tauriel. Those were forced, desperate attempts on my part to control my destiny. One kiss that I did not reciprocate is not enough to remember her by, that one gesture that changed everything.