I'll Be There In a Flash ⚡ Barry Allen

Chapter 20 - Ring ring, your past is calling

A/n: This chapter went from 0-100 real quick.....so heads up!

Owww......

A cramped shoulder and aching back normally how I start every weekend, especially since I normally spend the night sleeping on my couch, or the floor in front of my TV in this case. Sunlight filters in through edges of my curtains, brightening up my normally gloomy loft.

But there's something different this time, my head's on someone's shoulder, and that person's arm is wrapped almost protectively around my waist.

I gingerly shift a little to try and get a better view at who the heck is holding and realize that it's Barry who's dozing against my head.

I blush a little at how close in proximity we are and am about to squeeze my way out to the bathroom when my phone rings.

WAKE ME UP BEFORE YOU GO-GO CUZ I'M NOT PLANNING ON GOING SOLO!

Barry bolts up at the sound of my phone and my attempt at escaping his grasp is foiled as I fumble to grab my phone and answer the call.

"This better be important," I growl into the phone thinking it's Cisco or Caitlin, even possibly Felicity.

"Is that any way to talk to your Aunt you forgot to call back?" The voice on the other end of the phone asks and my eyes widen.

"Oh crap, sorry Elaine," I respond, sitting up a little straighter, as Barry confusedly takes in his surroundings. "I didn't check the call ID."

"That's not surprising at all," She replies with a laugh. "Your uncle and I have just come back from that vacation you told us to stay at and we were wondering when you were going to come visit."

"Oh...yeah....that was a thing....that we planned...." I trail off as Barry raises an eyebrow at me and I wave it off. He gets up from his spot and walks off somewhere beyond my field of vision.

"Is there any chance you could take off work and come down to the farm? Please, we haven't seen you since the incident."

I sigh, running my hands through my slightly tangled, curly hair, thinking if anything important was happening at the prescient. "I think I can manage taking a couple days off," I respond. "But if anything major happens, I might need to head back."

"Alright, so we'll see you in a couple hours?"

"That should work, so I'll see you guys soon. Love you, Elaine,"

"Love you too Rani." She responds and I click the end button on my phone.

"What was that about?" Barry asks and I awkwardly stand up with my legs that have fallen asleep, spotting him in the kitchen.

"My aunt and uncle are back from that vacation I told you about," I respond. "They left before the two of us woke up and when I called them, I told them to finish their trip and come back when they're scheduled."

"So are you planning on going down for a couple days?" He asks.

I nod, "Of course. The last time they saw me I was my antisocial self, preparing to move from Starling to Central City."

"Antisocial? You didn't really seem antisocial when you met me in the train station?" Barry asks, handing me a piping fresh cup of coffee.

"Yeah, that was the front I put up for people I didn't really know." I murmur quietly into my cup. "Worked every time."

"A front?" Barry asks his sharper hearing, unfortunately, catching what I didn't want him to hear.

I sigh, awkwardly running my hand through my tangled hair. "Barry, I wasn't really in a great emotional state in Starling City when I left."

"Felicity never said any-"

"Because I asked her not to," I respond, cutting him off and I look down at my drink, afraid to see a look of pity in his eyes. "If I trusted someone enough, I'd tell them myself."

"Do you trust me?" He asks and I finally look up at him, surprised not to find pity, but sadness and worry in his emerald irises.

"I do Barry. Honestly, I trust you more than I trust myself with these powers." I lightly chuckle.

"Then why won't you tell me why you really left Starling City?" He asks and my chest clenches up. "You've been evading the question." 

"Barry I-I can't," I stutter, not wanting to remember that time of my life that seemed so close yet so long ago. "I get that you want to help, I really do. But I just can't."

"Rani please just let me-"

"FINE!" I yell at him, startling him out of his caring tone. "What do you want to know Barry? Do you want to know how I shot seven people and didn't even flinch until it was over? Do you want to know how I didn't feel any remorse until I made it back to base? That when I went to a spot that normally helped me cope with what I had done.....when I went to talk to my mom that I saw the funeral with a picture of a man that I shot through the heart? Or maybe the part when those people I killed Barry, were actually innocents? That they were on some crazy drug that made them susceptible to suggestion?  That I took away a brother, father, son..... Or maybe you want to know about the guilt that followed me around or the nightmares that haunted me every night afterward so much so that I almost ended it all!!"

I scream the last word at him, unaware that I've been shaking like mad that I've started crying. My eyes widen, as I realize what I've said, what secrets I've given up. And they always tell you that there's some relief to letting everything out in the open, and maybe for some people there is.

But that person wasn't me.

All I could feel was overwhelming fear. 

"Rani...." Barry murmurs.

"Get out," I whisper as the tears continue to fall. I sink down to the ground and shut my eyes, not wanting to see his expression right now. Probably of disgust, fear, and judgment.

Yet he does the exact opposite of what I asked and thought he'd do around a monster like me.

He sinks back down and pulls my sobbing mess against his chest and I'm too lost to push him away. "I'm not leaving you." He murmurs,  rubbing my back soothingly as I cry into his shoulder.

"I seem to recall someone amazing, saying that even thought her story might not have a very happy beginning, it doesn't make her who she is," Barry says and I stifle a weak but present laugh, tears still running down my face. "Rani what you did wasn't your fault, as sick and tired you are from hearing that. Those people were going to kill Sara and Oliver and they would have done the same thing for you in a heartbeat."

"Then why does it feel like I made the wrong decision?" I whimper and Barry sighs. "Why do I feel like a monster?"

"Because you're a hero Rani." He responds and I pick my head up from his shoulder and my blurred gaze meets his. "You feel terrible about what happened because you're a good person. You wouldn't be feeling this way if you were what you think you are."

"Maybe...." I murmur and Barry huffs.

"Really? After that amazing speech and you're just going to hit me with a maybe," He fake-scolds and I finally crack a smile as my tears slowly start to dry.

And we just sit there for a good couple minutes, a broken girl finally finding the courage to pick up the pieces she's left behind with a quick-witted boy to guide the way. And it feels like maybe....just maybe I might be able to heal.

"Barry?"

"Yeah, Rani?"

"Thank you," I murmur and he smiles. "Thank you for being here."

"I'll always be here for you Rani," Barry replies.

And he was always there for me. 

Even when I isolated myself from my friends for the next two weeks straight.