unprotected // dylan o'brien (discontinued)

Chapter 1

This wasn't supposed to happen, no one was supposed to know about this, it's not my fault I fell in love. The worst part isn't even the fact that hes gonna find out, it's that I told someone I thought I could trust, but she opened her mouth and now everyone knows. He's my best friend, and there's a good chance that after he finds out, he'll never speak to me again. If I would've just kept my mouth shut this whole mess wouldn't even be happening.

Okay, so you're probably wondering what's got me so frazzled. Basically, I fell in love with my best friend, and I told someone I thought I could trust, someone I considered a friend, and she opened her mouth and told everyone. His name is Dylan, and he's the most amazing person ever. He's always there for me, and he's got such an amazing personality. He's one of those people who never stops smiling, no matter how upset he is, and his smile is the reason the sun shines. Sometimes I see him and just think about how amazing it would be to wake up to that smile. 

All fantasies aside, he means so much to me and I don't want to lose him over something as stupid as me having feelings for him. We've been friends since he moved into the house next door when we were three. Our parents became fast friends, so we had quite a lot of playdates when we were kids. I never really expected to fall in love with him, but I honestly can't see myself with anyone but him.

I wish I could muster up the courage to tell him, but I'm such a wuss that every time I think about it I break into a sweat. He always teases me when I get stuttery around him, but he doesn't know that it's because of him. I always tease him back, because it's my only defense mechanism and it feels like flirting, so it's all I really have to lean back on.

In all reality, since he's my only guy friend everyone already thinks we're dating, and every time someone says we'd be cute together or "Swears we're together" my face gets so hot that I feel like I'm gonna burst into flames. Every time he puts his arm around me butterflies erupt in my stomach and my skin tingles in the best way. If only I could kiss him, tell him that I want to be more than just his best friend, because he means more to me than anyone or anything.

Sometimes I'd like to think that what we have is skinny love, that we're both just to shy to put it into words, so we put it into actions. I'm just so afraid that that's really not the case, and I'm so scared of rejection that I can't bring myself to tell him. Telling Amber about him was a bad move though, because she told so many people. I thought we were friends, and that I could trust her, but sadly I was wrong. I never expected her to go tell everyone, and I honestly hate her for it.

I could always say it was a rumor, but that would hurt way more than just telling him the truth, because I'd never forgive myself for lying to him, and for torturing myself with this secret. My only hope is that somehow this doesn't get to Dylan, that we can just continue on with our friendship without all of this. But it's all my fault, since I'm the one that developed feelings for him at some point over the past fourteen years.

Hopefully fate deals me a good hand, because if luck is on my side, everything is gonna be okay.