distract him; phan + troyler

chapter 3

unfortunately that's not an option.

i quickly throw on a jumper to block out the cool air of late autumn and a pair of skinny jeans, the same thing i wear almost everyday during the colder months. i wish i could say it's because i like staying consistent, but truthfully it's because i'm too lazy to choose something else. i have zero effort right now, and clothes are the least of my worries.

i stayed up the majority of the night, thinking strongly about what i'm going to say to troye. i've opted to just be simple and honest. he doesn't need some long explanation, all that he needs to hear is that i comforted dan when he really needed troye. maybe i'd elaborate more, but i'm not sure. i'll cross that bridge when i come to it.

i wave goodbye to my parents and younger sister seated at the wooden table in our kitchen. they all give me warm smiles and shouts of "have a good day" as i exit our home. i lock the door behind me and slowly meander towards the school. it's a path i'm used to, so i don't focus too much on where i'm going.

instead, i study the worn patterns on the nearby road and the seemingly endless amount of colourful leaves dotting the pavement. if i were an artist, i'd love to paint something as beautiful as a shedding tree during this chilly season.

i rub my hand together to keep warm, but soon quit that as i walk through the gate to the courtyard laid out before the school building. my eyes shift over the various groups of kids until they land on troye. he's stood in the centre of a large circle of our peers. they're all laughing and jeering while he appears to be telling a story. i glance over to his right and my eyes fall on dan. he's stood slightly outside of the circle with his arms wrapped around his thin torso.

an unlit cigarette dangles from his lips and his eyes are set in small slits, almost closed but open enough to see what's i front of him. i admire his black, ripped up jeans and oversized black hoodie. the title screen from outlast is printed across it. the upside down cross on his shirt matches his earrings. the coordination he puts into his outfit appears effortless and i envy him for that.

i'm about to walk over when i feel a hand on my shoulder. i jump in surprise and let out a quiet yelp. "oh my god phil, calm down," tyler laughs.

i giggle and shove him playfully. "i was about to go talk to troye, want to come?"

tyler ran a hand through his silvery purple hair uneasily. a look of worry and doubt crossed his face. "phil, i'm all for you confronting him, but maybe wait until he's alone?"

i weigh my options, i could tell him now and risk all of his friends being mean to me and dan, or i could wait until later and try and catch him in the hallway. i look at tyler and see he obviously prefers the latter choice. i'm about to factor dan's feelings into this as well, but then i remember he's an asshole.

"yeah, okay i'll wait until later," i say to satisfy tyler.

he nods enthusiastically and pulls me towards the school building. "awesome, now let's go to class."

→

soon enough lunchtime rolls around, but i'm not hungry. in fact, i'm quite the opposite. i'm stuck in a haze of nausea as i plan what to say to troye. i figure that the only times i'll be able to catch him are at lunch and after school. but if i try hard enough i might be able to find him prior to him.