Through the Lens

Breath of Fresh Air

"Well you just let us know, I'd love to see you."

We talked for a little while longer, I gave her as many details as I could about where I was, although I didn't have too many because I hadn't been there long and spent most of my time sleeping. I promised to send her some photos soon so she could have a mental picture, and reassured her that I was safe and alright. It was nearly bedtime there so I let her go, promising to call her at least once every couple of days.

I made my way out to the back porch, watching the crystal clear water in the creek flow, surprised at how deep it was in certain parts. I wondered how cold it would be, knowing it was fed by the glaciers melting off the mountain, but it definitely looked swimmable. I clutched my tea in my hand as I looked around, taking a deep breath and trying to enjoy the silence.

It was strange for me, my life had been nothing but chaos for the past six years and all of a sudden I was in complete solitude. There were times that even sleeping in a room by myself was a luxury, trying to get sleep wherever I could and often napping in the car or dressing room for ten minutes at a time. I'd never minded much since I had always been a very social person, but that also meant that I was never alone with my thoughts or able to process my own feelings about anything.

Aside from the amount of people I was used to being around, it had been so long since I'd spent any significant time in nature. We travelled so much that we rarely got to see anything other than the inside of a venue or hotel, and when we did get outside to see anything it was always rushed and usually a monument or something. I sat there, surrounded by mountains with the sound of running water and birds chirping and realized just how long it had been since I'd been alone with my own thoughts. That's why when I decided I needed to get away I'd asked my sister to find me a small place in a small town, hoping that I could fly under the radar.

The paparazzi didn't seem to be all that evident in Canada in general, and the people tended to not be as forward asking for autographs and what not. There was just a different energy up there and people didn't seem as consumed with the glitz and glamour of fame. I knew if I really wanted to disappear, that was the best way to do it.

I was a little nervous about going from the chaotic life I'd been living into complete solitude with no schedule whatsoever, and I knew it would be a major adjustment. I knew I would get bored and it would be hard for me, but I was really committed to getting back in touch with who I was before it all happened for me. I'd brought my guitar, some extra journals, and I would use music to ground me just like I always had.

I figured cutting myself from any routine at all wasn't good for me, so I tried to make myself some sort of schedule of things I could do every day just to try to keep some form of order. I would get up at the same time, have my morning tea on the back deck to wake up, keep up a fitness regime and wander into town at least once a day even if only to look around. I'd done some research on some things I'd wanted to see and do around the area and nearby, knowing if I ever got bored I could just start to tackle my list. I knew if I didn't keep some sort of schedule I'd end up doing absolutely nothing, and that in itself would drive me mental.

I sat outside for a while, sipping my tea and watching the sun get a little higher in the sky as the birds chirped and the squirrels ran around the yard. My ears perked up at the sound of music faintly playing somewhere in the distance, and I looked around to try to figure out where it was coming from. I didn't know the song, it was a mid-tempo country song, but I found myself bopping my head back and forth to it as it echoed off the trees. It wasn't very loud, since I was pretty far away from everything, but I looked over to the only other house within my view to see the source of the music as a smile crept across my face.

I was still pretty far away so I couldn't see all that clearly, but I chuckled to myself as I watched the scene in front of me, unable to stop myself from smiling. There was a girl, looking to be about my age, dancing around in her yard and swaying her hips back and forth to the beat of the music. She looked to be painting the shed by the paintbrush in her hand, but she had her hands up over her head as she sang along to it, completely lost in the music. The smile on her face was contagious as I found myself smiling along with her, the happiness radiating off her as she continued to dance by herself in her own little world.

Her blonde hair was shining in the sunlight, her little cut off jean shorts exposing her long tanned legs down to her bare feet dancing in the grass. Her hair was thrown up in a ponytail that swayed back and forth as she moved, brushing against the skin of her back that was covered by an old t-shirt that already had white paint streaks all over it. There was something about the look on her face that made me feel warm, as if I was just watching her be in love with being alive.

She tilted her head back, letting the sun hit her face as she smiled, opening her arms to the sky as she spun around to the beat of the music, continuing to sing along before she walked over and dipped her paint brush back into the paint. She ran the brush along the wood, swaying to the music as the song came to an end and the next one began. I watched her for a while before I realized I was being a bit creepy and decided to head back inside before she saw me.

I headed upstairs to take a shower, smiling to myself and feeling warm as I pictured the look on her face. She looked happy, but not just like she was having a good day, like she genuinely just loved being alive. She wasn't worried about who would see her, or what they might think. There was nobody trying to take her picture or crowding around her watching, and I got the distinct impression that even if they were she wouldn't care.

She was worried about absolutely nothing. It was the level of happy I aspired to be, that type of peace being what I was in search of. I wasn't completely sure that it was possible to be so free and at peace with everything all at once, but she had just given me something to strive toward without even knowing it.