Diary of a bad housewife

Diary of a bad housewife chapter 15

Chapter 15

The worst part- he never yelled, never cursed me, never said a word. Instead, he sat in shock, fixed upon me as if I turned into a serpent, which perhaps I had.

"Colin," I said after I finished confessing and tried to explain. "Colin, speak to me. Say something."

My admission devastated him. Foolishness and vanity emptied our primary bank account, maxed out our MasterCard, made it possible for fifty thousand dollars to be stolen, and managed to get my husband fired. From what Colin's employer indicated, arrest was a real possibility unless he paid them back immediately.

"Colin, I'll call Aunt Sadie. She was a fund manager, remember? She'll know what to do."

I phoned my aunt and spent ten minutes explaining the situation. She listened in silence, at the end saying, "God forgive me, my dear, you are a ninny. Okay, let me think. I'll ring you back in fifteen minutes."

She rang back in an agonizing twenty.

"Can you turn on your speaker phone so Colin can hear me? I made a few calls, and this is what we think happened: You're caught up in a Nigerian 419 scam, manipulated by con artists who specialize in getting you to give them money."

She went on to explain the frauds originated in Nigeria and that the FBI, Secret Service, Scotland Yard, and European authorities try to track them because they sucked millions out of victims. Little fools like me, I thought.

"Don't feel alone; many smart people fall for the swindle. The deceivers seek out personal weaknesses such as loneliness or vanity. Would it help you to know victims include church treasurers, ministers, psychologists, accountants, and bankers? I found a Michigan county treasurer embezzled a million-point-two. The bank and family of an Oregon housewife failed to stop her mortgaging her house and car, then draining her husband's retirement account of $400,000. A Michigan bookkeeper embezzled more than two million from her law firm. The largest case I came across was a Brazilian banker who misappropriated two hundred and forty-two million dollars from his employer. You were victimized but you were lucky, my child. Businessmen have been murdered, victims have committed suicide. This is serious fraud."

The news stunned me. Aunt Sadie tried to take some of the sting out, but I felt like I joined the living imbecilic. What was I thinking? Knowing I fell under the spell of a Svengali didn't diminish my guilt or the haunted look in Colin's eyes.

Sadie continued. "Listen, Colin and Julia. Do not try to cash that bank draft- it can be used as prima facie evidence against you. It's almost certainly counterfeit, although you could have your lawyer fax a copy to Barclay's to verify it. You may not have figured it out yet, but your Nigerian friend- what's his name- Harry? When you spoke by phone, he wasn't trapped in Customs at the airport; he never left Nigeria or Somalia or wherever. Most scammers operate out of Nigerian coffee shops, but others highly organize with offices that include fax machines, credit card terminals, phone banks, internet accounts, and fake secretaries to look like a legitimate business. Their Singapore office will prove nothing more than a rerouted number or a stolen cell phone."

God, I couldn't believe how asinine I'd been. In my vanity, I betrayed those closest to me.

"Now, here's what Colin must do: Phone American Express immediately. Report the fifty K as a wrongful charge, which gives them a slim chance of getting their money back, though it's probably long gone. I know this will be hard for you, Colin, but deny you made the charge while giving no additional information. From what Julia's said, you can prove you were in the air at the time the charge was made, so that's a good defense and all they need to know.

"Don't mention Julia's name, because that could subject her to investigation and possible arrest. State you weren't aware of the charge until hours ago, which happens to be true. Your company isn't liable and once the charge is reversed, their reason for firing you disappears. Should anyone ask you to make a police or FBI report, naturally follow through.

"The money from your family accounts, Julia? Poof. That's gone. You've no hope of getting it returned. It's amazing how many people fall for these things. I'm not implying you're stupid, Julia dear, merely foolish and naïve. We know you didn't intend harm.

"My dears, the worst part will be the stress on your marriage, which is, shall we admit, not perfect. Colin's a wonderful man and you'll be a good woman, Julia, once you grow up. I'm sorry to say that, my dear, but you need to hear it. Call me anytime you want, Colin. Good luck and God bless you both."

That last part about growing up- she didn't need to say it; I felt rotten enough.

Even though she spoke the truth.