Not real.

Chapter Fourty Six: Her Thoughts Spoken.

*Gale*
   I awake with a start and immediately drag my hand across the left side of the bed. But she's gone. I sigh and get up trying to shake the nightmare from my thoughts. She left early again, just like every morning since we went to see Peeta and Delly.
   I went to tell Peeta something, and when I turned around she was gone. After hours of searching in the woods I finally found her on the dock by the lake. Her face was devoid of any emotion and her eyes were so glazed over with fear...I had never seen her like that. When I arrived she looked at me and then we walked home in silence. And it's been silence ever since.
   She gets up and goes to the woods for the entire day. Leaves early and returns late. What little conversation I've had with her the past week has been meaningless. And whenever I try to ask her what's wrong she gets angry and leaves again.
   I run my fingers through my hair and sigh. I have to fix this. I'm not going to let this last one more day.
   With that thought set in my mind I get up to start the day.
   I head out to work and meet Peeta on the road.
"Still nothing?" He asks as our feet crunch the snow under us. I shake my head.
"Damn..." He whispers.
"But it ends today, no matter if it's pleasant or not." I tell him sincerely. He shrugs and we walk in silence the rest of the way.
   District Twelve is starting to build new neighborhoods for those who want a fresh start, in fact, almost every district is doing this. President Paylor is encouraging people to have fresh starts in new districts.
   We arrive at the large construction sight and get immediately put to work. Lots of other workers are already there and there are still tons of jobs to do. Peeta and I work eight hour shifts twice a week. And it's pays well even though we don't need the money.
Paylor has given our families a veterans pay for life, for fighting in the war and the Hunger Games. Honestly, I think the amount that comes in every month is too much. I end up sending about half of my check to my family back in Four.
The sun slowly sets below the horizon. Peeta and I clock out and split off our separate ways.
I set my jaw and walk quickly back to the house. As I assumed Katniss isn't home yet. I take a shower, washing the saw dust and dry wall off of me that seems to get everywhere, then get dressed and go back downstairs to wait. And wait, and wait.
Hour after hour passes. I start to wonder if I should go out and find her when around three A.M. Katniss quietly opens the door. Expecting me to be asleep.
"Where have you been?" I ask. She jumps and whips around. Her eyes flood with relief and she turns back around to hang up her jacket.
"I thought you were asleep..." She mumbles.
"I asked you a question." I reply
"The woods." She snaps.
"Why are you acting like this?" I sigh and wait for an explanation.
"Acting like what? I'm fine."
"Bull shit Katniss. It's like you're a completely different person. Katniss didn't ignore me or everyone else in her life, Katniss didn't lie to me, Katn-"
She waves her hand and stops me mid sentence. She sighs and looks up at me.
"I'm going to bed." She snaps. As she turns around I grab her arm and pull her outside through the back door.
She yells in protest and tries to escape my grasp, but it doesn't work. I practically drag her into the backyard.
"Gale! Stop! Let.Me.Go!" She yells and tried to pry my fingers off of her wrist.
"No." I state. "We are going to stand out here all night if we have to, that's for you to decide when you tell me what the hell is going on with you." My voice raises. I can see the anger in her eyes rise.
"I don't want to talk about it Gale."
"I don't care. You've had a week of not talking. What happened at Delly's house?"
"Nothing!" She yells.
"No, stop. Quit lying." I yell back.
"Nothing happened Gale."
"Katniss!" I desperately try to find answers.
"No." She snaps.
"Katniss please!"
"I can't!" She yells, finally making eye contact with me.
"You can't what?!"
Tears start to form in her eyes and she flinches at my loud tone.
"I can't give you what you deserve!" She finally yells back. As she says this a choking sound escapes her lips and she looks away from me, yanking her arm out of my grasp. She folds her arms across her chest.
"Katniss what are you talking about?" I soften my voice and try to touch her shoulder but she shies away and starts walking backwards towards the house.
"No Gale, I-I can't-"
"Katniss please..." I plead with her to talk to me. She stands there for a minute before sitting down on one of the back porch steps. I slowly sit down next to her and wait for her to speak.
She takes a few breaths and plays with her fingers, collecting her thoughts.
"I can't give you a family Gale." She finally says. She bites her lip as tears begin to fall. I keep my eyes trained on her.
"After seeing Delly like that it just...it reminded me that even if we had kids they'd still be in danger. The Hunger Games was just one threat we eliminated, Snow was just one threat we eliminated, there's still so much that could take our children away from us. And I would just add more danger into the mix."
I didn't even know she was thinking about this stuff. I was sure it would take way more time for her to even imagine the idea of having kids.
"And Gale, we could lose a kid even before we met them. Delly and Peeta did. I couldn't handle that," Tears start to flow more freely,"If I loved my child like they did, even before I met them, it would kill me if I lost it. But Gale..."
She chokes out my name and I instinctively grab her hand, telling her it's okay to tell me anything.
"You deserve kids. I want more than anything to give that to you after all you done for me and been through with me and I know you want them but, I just, I don't think I could give that to you." Moonlight and the lights that were left on in the house reflect off of her tear stained cheeks.
I slowly wrap my arms around her and plant a kiss on her head. I can feel her body relax against mine and I hold her tighter.
"Gale, I'm so so-"
"No stop." I interrupt her. I pull away and face her, brushing away stray tears from her face.
"I don't care if we never have kids Katniss. I would love having a family with you but only when you are ready okay?" All the fear in her eyes is replaced with relief and she nods her head.
"And what happened to Delly and Peeta just happened to them. You shouldn't be afraid of what could happen okay? As for those other threats, I'm not gonna let anything bad happen to you or our family, if we have one. Deal?" A small smile appears on her lips.
"Deal." She murmurs.
"Good. Now can we stop ignoring each other? I haven't kissed you in a week and it's killing me." I tell her and she laughs in response, wiping away the remainder of her tears. I don't wait for an answer and take her face in my hands. Leaning in, I press my lips to hers.
Every time I've kissed her it's like kissing her for the first time all over again, and I never get tired of it. I kiss her over and over and over and over. And as the stars shine bright overhead I hope that moments like these could last forever.