Not real.

Chapter Fifteen: Coma

*Katniss*
   After spending the whole night in the hospital, either pacing the floor or biting my nails till they bled, I had several hours to contemplate what the circumstances were and how they would effect me. With a not so gentle push from oh so subtle Haymitch.
As I pace the floor and bite my nails simultaneously, Haymitch proceeds to watch me skeptically. His stare gives off a "are you done denying your feelings yet sweetheart?" vibe that I don't exactly appreciate at the moment. Gale's been in surgery for almost four hours. I don't even care to look at the time because I'm determined that I'm not leaving until I find out if he's okay or not. I just know it's late.
What's happening to him? Why isn't anyone telling me anything? Is he okay? Is he alive? What if...no, no I refuse to believe it. He can't be dead. Someone would have told me. But if he did die....Stop it Katniss. You can't afford to think like this especially now. Keep hope Katniss, keep hope.
"Are you done yet?" Haymitch asks in a rather rude tone.
"Done what?!" I snap.
"Denying your love for him." I blink at him, startled by his remark.
"Excuse me?" I ask.
"Your telling me you don't see it?" He asks in disbelief.
"See what!?" I exclaim. Haymitch pinches his nose between his thumb and forefinger and sighs as if I've disappointed him somehow.
"You know Katniss, for someone who started a rebellion and won an entire civil war you're really not that smart are you?"
"Says the man who drank himself stupid for more than half his life. I was more focused on keeping my family alive than my math homework." I snap.
"Okay, okay. You win. But my point is, is that as your pacing frantically, which quite honestly is driving me nuts, you're wondering what you could do without him, am I right?"
"Well actually I was trying not to think about that but thanks anyway for reminding me."
I sit down and sigh. I lean forward in my chair and start fidgeting with my fingers.
"Can you not see the way he looks at you?" Haymitch asks in a softer tone.
I don't reply. It just hurts to think that I may never see Gale's eyes again.
"Well I see it. And that's the look of someone who's been in love with someone for a long time. You can trust me when I say I know how that goes."
I look at Haymitch and find pain in his eyes.
"Your girlfriend. Before the games?" I ask. He gives a small smile.
"Mia." He says softly. "I was gonna marry her. She'd threaten me saying if I ever left her she'd introduce me to her kitchen knife." He smiles at the memory. And I can't help but stifle a laugh because this Mia was perfect for Haymitch at the time.
"She was a feisty one, stubborn as hell. But she was the most amazing woman I ever met. And then after the games...." I put a hand on his. Reassuring him that I can be trusted.
"I was terrified that they'd hurt her. So I thought it was best to keep my distance. But it just gave them an opportunity to get to her because I wasn't around. And the last thing I told her was that I was sorry."
Haymitch looks at me and takes a deep breath, trying to rid the nostalgia from his mind.
"Katniss, that man in there loves you. Don't be afraid to love him back."
I gaze at the doors to the OR, before turning back to Haymitch and nodding.
He sighs and gets up.
"I should go check on Peeta. You'll be alright?" He asks.
"Yeah." I say in a hoarse voice.
"I'll come back later." He says tapping my shoulder.
And so I'm left by myself to ponder the question that screams in my head. Do I love him? I've known Gale forever. I guess I've known for a while that he's loved me but I've always been too afraid to love anyone. Ever since Prim. But I guess now as far as my knowledge goes there's no one coming after me or the people I care about. So I guess I could. Maybe I already do. All I can think abut is how worried I am for Gale.
A pang of longing for him comes over me. There's a physical hurt in my chest. I miss him. I need him to be okay. Please let him be okay.
As if reading my thoughts, the nurse that took Gale into the OR comes into the waiting room searching for someone. I stand up with a jolt and she sees me and quickly walks over.
"He's alive. Barely. His heart stopped twice during surgery."
A breath of relief escapes my lips and all of a sudden gravity grows stronger on my body and I find myself crouching on the ground. The nurse slowly comes down to my level.
"If you hadn't acted so quickly it would have been too late. You saved him." I remove my hands from my mouth and look at her through the blur of tears in my eyes.
"Can I see him?" She nods but looks at me sadly before continuing.
"But you should know his head trauma was more extensive than we thought. He's alive but he's in a coma and unfortunately we can't determine when or if he'll wake up."
A coma? When or if he'll wake up? It doesn't matter. He's alive.
"But can I see him?" I ask again. She gives me a small smile.
"Follow me Ms. Everdeen."
I follow her through a series of hallways and one elevator ride until we approach room number 228. I stop before going in and take a deep breath. No tuning back now. No matter what I see.
I enter the room and tears immediately flood my vision. He's still so pale, thankfully blood is being emptied into his bloodstream. There are a series of tubes that drip medicine into his system. His breathing is thankfully back to normal with the help of an oxygen tank. The hospital shirt was left open and I see the large bandage wrap around his abdomen. Added to that there's a bandage wrapped around his forehead as well. Save the tubes and machines he looks like he could be sleeping.
My legs regain motion and I rush to his bedside and take hold of one of his hands. Though his fingers are limp it's still his skin, scarred from years of hunting, and injuries from war or torture but still him. And that's all I need. Just him alive.
I kiss his hand as tears of relief run down my face.
"Thank you," I whisper,"Thank you for staying."