Fully English

CHAPTER 15

She emerges as I'm tucked up in bed, her head and body towelled in matching colours as she strolls to her drawer to find some nightwear.

"Let me find you something to wear, what size are you?" She rifles through a bunch of clothes in search of something that will fit me.

"Well I've been a size 8 lately."

We both know from her size 2 frame that there is no way any of her skimpy little clothes will be fitting me but she continues searching anyway, throws an oversized top in my direction. Her eyes glower for a moment before she grabs a turquoise slip dress and immediately strips off her towel to put it on.

"What?" She turns to me starkly nude and I avert my eyes. "Don't I look good?"

I peak an eye to see she is dressed, the dress clinging to her every crevice as she holds her waist and cocks her gymnast body to one side.

I step out of the bed and shed my clothes knowing full well Tasha is gawking at my body as I pull the T-shirt over my head.

"What?" I fluster once the shirt is over my head. Tasha's mouth is still slightly ajar despite the fact I am now covered – the hem stopping only a few inches above my knees on account of Reece's long torso. "You act like you've never seen my body before."

"Yeah, but you look... fuller now," she saunters over to me and pinches my cheek, groping my bum and thighs. "I mean, what are you eating?"

"Yams." I think of my mother's sublime meals and bristle. Damn, I missed home: not for the company but for the food – these meal preps, cheap snacks and outdoor takeaways just weren't doing it for me.

I admire the shirt I am wearing, fingering the round neck and soft material. It's too large and inexpensive to be anything that Tasha would purchase, plus she wasn't one to wear men's clothes.

"Where did you get this?" I enquire.

"It's Reece's."

We leap into her extra king sized bed and rustle under the covers to get comfortable. She watches as I unleash my hair from its high bun and wrap it with a silk scarf she has draped over her night stand – it's not nearly thick enough to cover my head of hair completely but it will have to do.

"Why are you staring?" Through my periphery, her eyes haven't left my profile. "You've seen me do this a million times."

"Yeah but it's still fascinating," she delights as I knot the ends securely and tuck them under before throwing my head on the pillow and facing her. "So elegant."

I roll my eyes and switch off the nightlight in summoning of slumber. Hopefully my submersion into darkness means I won't be able to see the frights that await me in my nightmares.

*

I don't sleep a wink. My legs perform gymnastics, hiking, straddling, stretching over one another so I toss and turn for the whole night – too hot to be fully under the covers, too cold to not have any cover at all. The usual resolution of sticking one leg out does not work either.

I remember I am not in my own room. I am at Tasha's, crashing on her massive bed alongside her, trying desperately not to stir her from her slumber as I throw my body about in efforts to find sleep. She's such a deep sleeper; she doesn't budge from my movements or the sound of my incessant groaning as I struggle to find a comfortable position. Her face remains serene as she dreams what I assume to be desirable visions of Reece and I try to follow suit. But every time I close my eyes, the sirens start to scream and the sensation of loss swirls within me, sickening me and I have to open my eyes again. It's like a nocturnal switch – eyes closed, memories on, eyes open, and memories off. My resolve is to stare wide-eyed at the fluorescent stars tacked onto Tasha's ceiling to distract myself from sleep, even though I know it will not come.