Handle With Clare

Chapter 19: I Tell You The Important Things

"Come on," he said and gently pulled me more into the dining room. I followed Peter to a large table that already had a family sitting at it.

"Hello, Peter! Nice to see that you could make it," a mother said to him as we sat down at their table. She turned her attention to me with a smile. "Is this your pretty girlfriend you wanted to introduce to the team?"

He smiled at me and then at her. "Yes ma'am. This is Clare Atkins."

If I could be invisible, I would be. I had a feeling that they would notice me more than I wanted them to since the team already heard about me. Quickly, I swallowed my fear as I brought out my hand for her to shake it.

"Please to meet you, Clare. I'm Sydney Taylor. Coach Taylor's wife. I'm glad you could make it tonight." She shook my hand excitedly.

I gave a small smile at her. "Nice to meet you too."

She picked up a menu on the table and gave it to Peter and me. "Go on, pick want you want. The burgers here are super good if I say so myself," she winked.

I nodded at her and smiled back. "Thanks for the tip," I stated as if I hadn't been to this restaurant before as I picked up the menu and looked over it with Peter.

As we waited for our meal to arrive, the coach stood up on a chair and gave a small talk to the surrounding people. I couldn't say I paid much attention to it, but the bits I listened to were nicely put together in order to excite the boys about the season. As he talked with enthusiasm, I could tell that he cared about his team and the sport, wanting them to succeed in the game and as people.

I frowned at his words as they fell heavily on my lap like bricks on a trampoline, weighing me down. It was so easy to get rewarded with a sport since it was easy to see the improvement if you put in the time. I wish cancer had the same rules. If so, I would work hard, be positive, rest often, then I could accomplish getting over cancer, but I knew that kind of thing didn't work.

Over the past year, no matter what I did, nothing has changed. It didn't matter if I worked hard or not. What happened to me was just fate, and it was just fate that I would suffer, then die. And there was nothing I could do to change this fact, and it made me sick to think about it.

Sensing my uneasiness, Peter pulled me in closer. "What's wrong?" he whispered into my ear.

I shook my head to clear my thoughts, allowing his voice to pull me out of my mind. Nothing went by him, sometimes he was too observant for his own good. "What?"

"You were frowning. What were you thinking about?"

I shrugged at him, playing it dumb, not wanting to share these sensitive details here. "Nothing is wrong. I honestly don't even remember what I was thinking about."

He looked at me to make sure I was telling the truth. "Sometimes I don't think you tell me everything."

He was calling me out, and I felt attacked. "I tell you the important things."

"I want you to tell me all things."

"I will in the right moments, and this is not the right moment," I said honestly as I looked around at the crowed room. I just hoped that he would forget and not ask me about this again.

He nodded in agreement. "You're right." At that moment, our meals came out. As I looked at the huge burger I ordered, I suddenly felt sick to my stomach. I stood up quickly, a little too quickly, getting dizzy, to steady myself I grabbed a hold of the table causing Peter look at me with concern.

Without wasting a second, he stood up with me and quickly guided me out of the hall where the bathroom was.

I let got of him and ran into the girl's room, finding the closest stall and loosing everything I ate that day. Nausea hit me like waves hitting a beach as I hugged the toilet bowl and dry heaved. Convinced I would spend the rest of the night here, I felt my eyes well up with tears in frustration.