Everything Has Changed

With or Without You

The smile on his mouth dies away slowly as two current facts filter their way in. First he knows he's still sitting at the table procrastinating going home for the first time in years, and second, that amazing little girl wasn't his. He had missed so many years with Fi, and Kerrianne, and he regretted that but it wasn't through any sort of lack of trying on his part. Fi had made those choices, so being there all throughout Tara's pregnancy and finally bringing them back home and raising Charlie filled a void in his heart he didn't even know was empty. Rubbing his face and misty eyes with his rough, year of wear and tear hands didn't bring any sort of relieve to his psyche about his fucked up situation. He knows that Tara will always choose Jax. I mean, history has always repeated itself with those two, and the only one to lose anything will be him. He'd lose his brother, his love and the children he had helped to raise.

His phone vibrates on the table and he's surprised to see Tara's name on the caller ID.

"Everything ok love." He says, but there's no trace of love or hate in voice. He's numb.

"No. Please tell me you're at TM?"

"Aye, the kids ok?" He questions quickly unable to hide his love of the kids.

The door to the chapel open and Tara hangs up the call. She throws some papers in front of him as he hangs up his phone since she's obviously now standing in front of him.

"Kids are fine, Filip, but I'm about two seconds away from committing a felony."

He furrows his brow and picks up what she dropped, which appears to be two sets of court documents. The words that immediately stand out to him on the first set are LEGAL DIVORCE, and on the second are FULL CUSTODY OF MINOR CHILDREN.

Tara looks like she's about to end up in the hospital. Her face is red and she breathing heavy. You can see the dried streaks of tears that had been running down her face. He wants to ask her what she expects him to do about it? Why she's come to him? Tell her that she's the one that said she doesn't know what to do about the situation. But he can't. It's Tara. He loves her too much to add more to her already full plate.

"Sit down girl." He says as he pulls out a chair for her. She looks up at him the tears once again filling her green eyes. He goes to the bar and grabs a bottle of water and some tissue and closes the door behind him when he returns. She looks at him as he open the water bottle for her.

"Why?" She says softly.

"He's hurt, and angry..."

She cuts his off. "No, why are you being nice to me? I've been a bitch to you since this whole mess started. I mean I had reasons to be angry, but I know you love me Filip and it must be killing you to hear me talk about Jax. Let alone storm in here to you, upset that he wants a divorce and custody of the boys."

"I've no delusions about you and Jax, a ghrá mo chroí." He stands and walks back to his chair and the paperwork he left behind. He picks it up to reads more as Tara looks on silently. "I'm no lawyer but it looks like a straight forward petition for separation. What confuses me is why he's only asking for custody of Abel and Thomas."

Tara shakes her head as the tears well up and spill over again. "He thinks Charlie is yours."

"How?"

"I never had a chance to tell him and then he told me he was disappointed in me and walked out. I didn't even know how to get any words out let alone that she was his. I thought I'd have more time. I didn't know he'd try and take them!"

"Ya have to tell him Tara." He says. He hates it. He wishes he could keep Charlie and Tara and even Abel and Thomas all to himself, but he knows all to well what it feels like to not be a part of your child's life and he wouldn't do that to another parent, let alone a brother. He takes her hand in his as she looks at him, angry, and scared and he nods his head at her, "Ya have ta tell him, but ya don't have ta do it alone. All ya have ta do is ask."

My hands are tied
My body bruised
She's got me with
Nothing to win, and nothing left to lose

And you give yourself away
And you give yourself away
And you give
And you give
And you give yourself away

With or without you
With or without you
Oh
I can't live with or without you

Tara looks at the man in front of her, really looks at him. In the face of possibly losing her, losing the children she knows he loves, losing a life long friendship, he's still there, standing beside her when the going gets rough. She texts Jax that she's gotten his paperwork and that she had to talk to him, in person before she moved forward with it. He brushes off her request at first, but finally gives in to one meeting. They agreed to meet at the park at 10am. She shows Filip the final text and says, "I'm asking."

He nods his consent and that simple nod of his head makes everything in her heart ache. She never thought there'd be a time where anyone else could ever challenge her love for Jax, and while she knows whatever she has with Chibs doesn't exactly change things in her heart regarding Jax, they do confuse things because whether she wants to admit it or not, this man had taken a piece of her heart, a piece she knows that even if she choose Jax will always belong to the man sitting at her side. As everything she thought she knew was changing one thing was staying the same, and that changed so much more then he knew.

*Lyrics – With or Without You by U2