NICHOLAS (old version)

chapter six: trying

I was angry. I was depressed. Above those, though, I was humiliated. She'd made a mockery of me in front of the entire pack house. And what had I done wrong? Not died?

As I walked down the hallway, ignoring the questioning gazes of members carrying food into the dining room, I felt my eyes begin to burn with tears desperate to fall. Begging to. But I didn't let them. I'm not a strong person, I never have been, but I'd been humiliated enough. I doubted any of them respected me, even cared for me; if I ran around sobbing, they'd think I was weaker than they already did. As weak as I really was.

I wasn't sure where I was going, but just as soon as I found a hallway without heartbeats, I went into the first room I saw - what appeared to be a guest bathroom. Shutting and locking the door behind me, I let the emotion pour out of me. The tears, the sobbing. I crawled into the bathtub, finding it dry, as though it hadn't been used in ages, and curled up crying, sobbing. I wrapped my arms around myself, clutching my shirt as my shoulders shook.

At some point I yanked my glasses off, tossing them aside. I was all but blind without them; while a werewolf could heal from a bullet in a few minutes, things like cancer and vision impairment got to them. The only immune ones, really, were those higher up in the food chain. It occurred to me at some point along the day that if he marked me, making me an Alpha, my eyes would fix. I wouldn't need the damn things anymore. But I wasn't going to give up my freedom for something that contacts could match. 

I cried myself to a near sleep. Minutes ticked by, fading into at least an hour. The light on the ceiling hummed, and I stared at the little fish decals along the walls, all shades of blue. 

A knock thumped at the door and my entire body jumped. I'd been so out of focus that I hadn't heard anyone approach, hadn't smelled them. But my nerves began to hum in a way I realized meant that Nicholas was close.

I didn't respond.

He knocked again. "Darcy? Come on, I hear your heartbeat. I know you're in there. Let me in." He said, his tone hard. Uncaring.

I sank deeper into the tub. "Come in."

The handle jingled, and I anticipated him either complaining about the lock, or busting the door down. Instead, I heard a jingle and the lock turned. So he had keys? There goes any chance at privacy.

He stepped in, features hard, but his eyes landed on me, and they immediately clouded with something I hadn't seen on him, something foreign and unexpected. Affection, kindness. He didn't say anything, just shut the door, kicked his shoes off, and clambered into the tub. He sat at the other end, awkwardly positioning himself around the faucet, and though he bent his legs, his feet still rested on either side of my own.

I wasn't sure what to say. Whether to yell at him for something that wasn't his fault, or cry for something that wasn't my fault. I wanted to explain how badly I wanted to ruin Jasmines pretty face, but I thought it wouldn't be very appropriate, her rank considered. So, I said the first thing that came to my mind.

"You have huge feet." I sat, staring down at them. One of his feet had to equal two of my own; I knew that Candy would have had a dirty joke to provide right about now, and I felt my heart clench at the thought of never seeing her again. She'd never come here, and I didn't see myself ever getting out of this place. Maybe I'd be allowed a phone call.

He smiled at me, something I already knew was a rare treat, and he was quiet a moment. He just watched me, but it didn't feel creepy or uncomfortable; it made me feel warm and fuzzy, and I couldn't make eye contact, knowing full well I'd blush.