Dear Lux

xxxi

Dear Lux,

I ran into you just as I was about to board the Ghost. There was a slight change of plans and I had to leave suddenly, so I wasn't looking where I was going. If the coffee stain doesn't come out of your shirt, I'm more than happy to buy you a new one.

Before I forget, I want to write down our conversation. I'll glue this page in my notebook once you give it back, just for the record.

"Hey," you said after I spilled your drink all over you. "Where are you off to so quickly?"

"Oh my goodness, I am so sorry!" I was a bit stunned for a moment that I had really just done that.

"It's no trouble, really. I hate this shirt anyways." I opened my mouth to say more, but you kept talking. "Are you going to Mustafar to initiate the new protocol?"

I nodded. I could sense your worry for me as you wrapped your arms around me and practically squeezed me to death. "I'll be okay, Lux."

"You're going to Mustafar. You'll be lucky to get near it, to be honest."

"I know. The odds don't look great, but that's never stopped me before." I took a deep breath and rummaged through my bag to find my notebook. After taking one last look at it, I handed it over to you. "In case I die and we never see each other again, I want you to read everything in this book. I need you to read everything."

You took it graciously and nodded. "I promise. I..." you trailed off. You ran a hand through your hair and sighed heavily. "Nevermind. It's something I need to figure our myself. I have to think good thoughts, you know? I'll see you soon."

"Yeah. I'll be back before you miss me." I winked, and you smirked.

"Take care, Ahsoka. Be safe. I don't know what I'd do if something happened to you. I wouldn't be able to live with myself." What did you mean? You'd just move on with life, wouldn't you? You could take my place as Fulcrum, if you'd like. That way, the job would be done right.

"Take care, Lux."

Every possible negative consequence of giving you that book has run through my head by now. Worst case scenario, I come back, and you humiliate me. I don't think you'd do that, though. We're friends, are we not? Who knows? You might even pity me and say nothing at all. It gives me peace of mind knowing that you know how I feel about you.

I want to believe so badly that you love me back. At this point, I'm doubtful. It is what it is, I suppose. If you do like me like that, though, there's no way we can keep it from everyone else. If I die, I don't want you to feel the way I'm sure Padme does, with Anakin dead. I could really use her advice right now. I don't even know if she's still alive.

I'm about to pull our of hyperspace, so I should probably get down to business. It's going to be a long day. I can already tell.

There's just one thing I want you to know. Those letters, however cheesy or corny they may sound, have been my coping mechanism for almost 15 years. They are genuine and sincere. I promise. I don't care what you make of them, but it's my way of showing you how much I care for you.

With love,
Ahsoka