Stars Leave Black Holes Behind [HS]

13

She opened her mouth to talk, but nothing came out. Nothing.

Because what was there to say other than fuck. And she didn't want to cuss. Wasn't even able to if she wanted.

Val was just frozen. Standing at the door of the bedroom, staring unhearing at Zayn as his mouth moved animatedly.

She couldn't understand. Could hardly even breathe. Could only feel the heavy thuds of her heart echoing around in her ears as she questioned why she hadn't noticed the agitation in Zayn's eyes, the flush of his cheeks, the tension in his voice. He was worried. Of course he was. Because imagine if Elizabeth had left, and was suddenly back. Now. 

Right fucking now.

Valerie didn't really know how to explain it. She'd always wanted him back, dreamed about him walking back through their front door with a suitcase and an apology, with his big hands and floppy hair and fucking gorgeous voice. But now, right now, she sort of wanted nothing more than for him to go away. For her to have stayed for New Years. For her to have just left for Australia or something ridiculous and to have never come back.

She wanted it all to go away.

"Valerie."

And suddenly there was a voice. That voice. Behind her. Right fucking behind her.

Her neck prickled. She had to blink blink blink to get rid of the tears that had begun to well behind her eyes. Had to hold her breath because she stunk of smoke- of things she did after him. Without him.

She couldn't feel her body moving, but it was. 

Slowly. Slowly. Slowly. Stop.

And then she was looking at him. The boy that shattered her mind and body and soul completely. 

She let out her breath because look at him.

Fucking look at him.

He was still Harry. Still so beautifully the same. But different. 

Because he wasn't hers. 

Wasn't hers to hold, to touch. Wasn't hers to wrap herself up in and fold herself around. He wasn't hers to take, to unmake, to remake, to make him hers. 

He was just Harry. Just Harry from her past who was now standing in front of her in her present.

And Val said nothing. 

What could she even say?

How was she supposed to put into words "You broke my fucking heart and I hate you, please stay."

How was she supposed to explain that his hands felt like healing and his eyes felt like coming home?

How was she supposed to tell him she loved him? 

She couldn't. Of course. Valerie just fucking couldn't.

And instead she nodded slowly at him. Slowly. Unblinking as she stared at his eyes. Those eyes. Green. Like daisies in summer. Like forests. Like the boy who ripped out her heart and crushed it right in the palm of his hands.

"Hi, Val."

__

Song: Me by The 1975

"I've seen your face like a heart attack."