The Perks of Being an Adoptee

White Card

Usually, those who are adopted are born into a life that is less privileged than the life of those who will adopt them. More often than not, it is a person of color being adopted by a race that is seen as superior. If the birth family were rich, or of the right age, or ready to be a parent, why else would they choose to give their child up?

In my case, I'm an adoptee who was born in Haiti of Haitian parents but raised by two white people. Later it became three because my adoptive mother was not satisfied with just one husband.

That is a story for another time though.

But there are perks to being an adoptee. The first one I want to talk about is the white card that I received.

Upon adoption, I got this awesome card called a "white card." You can only receive a white card if you are not white. Otherwise it is just called-privilege.

Without this card I would not have the right answers to the millions of questions I am asked because I look different from everyone else in the family.

Me

Them

"Where are you from? No. Where are you really from?" I would be asked daily as a child-and even now.

How do I explain where I am from and then expect them to actually believe me?

I tried it once. I tried just saying "oh, I'm from Haiti."

The questions don't stop there. They continue. They continue because the one asking does not understand how I can be from Haiti and have flawless English.

"Oh, Haiti. That is great. You have NO accent."

No. No I have no accent.

"You sound, American. You sound like you didn't study in Haiti."

No. No I didn't study in Haiti.

"Wow. You just have NO accent. Did you go to an English school?"

At this point I want to just tell them that I watched TV for days in my Haitian village and tried real hard to pick up the mid-western accent that I now possess. But then they may wonder how I have a television.

And yet, I cannot tell a lie.

I do sound different. I don't sound "Haitian," whatever that is supposed to sound. I sound like I was raised in Canada, or the USA.

Ironically I was not raised in either.

"I, I just can't put my finger on it. You sound (no offense ok?) .... white."

You know, because white people sound a particular way. White people don't have accents. White people are educated.

Finally, to get them to STFU I say:

Well. I was raised by white people.

"Ahhhh....that is why!"

And immediately the questions cease. There are no more questions because I just gave them one of my white cards.

This card, if used immediately, can save your life.

This card. If used to interrupt a line of questioning, can make your life so much easier.

But I like to fuck with them sometimes. I like to see how far I can go. Sometimes I get downright mean about it.

"What, you think that black people can't sound educated? You think that black people have to sound a certain way? Have you not read a book in your life? Do you know anything about racism?"

Then they back away slowly saying "look, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to offend you. And yes, I've read a book."

About race?

"No."

Silence fills the room.

"Man, you don't need to be an angry black woman!"

That is all it takes though... for me to stand up for myself...for someone to call me an angry black woman.

But the white card is something internationally adopted kids receive upon adoption. It is something that domestically adopted kids who are of color receive when being adopted by white families. It is like a "welcome home gift". It is like a promise-look, here you go, now you no longer have to ever claim your race, your heritage, or your lack of education.

And we will pretend with you (adoptive parents, much of society; everyone except the police).

They get to possess that until.... well, until they leave their house. We do!

But guess what?

The white card has an expiration date. The expiration date is when society decides to see you as you.

In my case....as black!

Maybe when you are a 6-year-old boy holding a water gun.

Maybe when you are a 16-year-old girl who says "mmmhmmm" in class and your teacher says you have too much attitude.

Maybe when you apply for a job and consider making up a name that sounds more white so that your application can be in the top 55.

Maybe it is when your name already is white and you go in for the interview but the boss is looking for someone else. Someone who matches your name.

Someone who is not-YOU.

Maybe when you speak up at a board meeting and your views are great but not as good as John Mason or Becky from accounting.

Maybe when you are a taxi driver and the person who hailed you down says "never mind" as you approach the side street he is on and waves you by.

Your white card expires when you decide that your adoptive parents maybe didn't try their hardest to see you for who YOU are, not for who they would like you to be.

Your white card expires when you learn that your adoption was actually not out of "love" but out of need.

Your white card expires when you decide to marry for love and not for "race".

Your white card expires when your well-meaning adoptive grandparents remind you that you ARE NOT white.

Your white card expires when you realize you were written out of the will even though you were "just like everyone else."

Ah yes, the perks of being an adoptee means you have a white card and you get to choose how you want to use it as long as you understand that not everyone in society will take it.

Visa: accepted almost everywhere

White cards: accepted as long as you smile and you are quiet.