It's Just Kisses ⇢ Isaac Lahey

{18} BATTLEFIELD.

"You haven't heard from him? Or any of them, have you?" She asks. I have to change the subject.

"How come you're not taking any notes on this?" I ask.

"I do my notes after the session."

"How is your memory that good? I barely remember what I ate this morning" My subject changing skills are excellent.

"How about we get back to you? Amelia?" I don't answer at first.

"Well, I'm great you know aside from the fact that I barely sleep. The constant jumpiness and the crushing fear that something terrible is going to happen." I skip a few details so it wouldn't seem like there is a huge problem with me.

"It's called hyper - vigilance, the persistent feeling of being under threat." Her voice is neutral like nothing is getting to her.

"It's not just a feeling you know? Like I know that I'm under threat, but I don't know what of. It's like a panic attack, and it's to the point where I can't even breathe."

"Like you're drowning?" I nod in response.

"So if you're drowning, and you're trying to keep your mouth closed until that very last moment, what if you choose not to open your mouth? To not let the water in?" You can't control your reflexes. Sometimes it just happens.

"You do anyway. It's a reflex." I say.

"But if you hold of until that reflex kicks in, you have more time, right?" Like two seconds worth of time.

"Not much time, though."

"But more time to fight your way to the surface?" I nod, and she continues to talk.

"More time to be rescued?"

"More time to be in agonising pain. I mean, did you forget about the part where you feel like your head is exploding? What's the chance of you being rescued? Sometimes two extra seconds of being in pain is worse than dying because then you don't feel anything." I say.

"If it's about survival, isn't a little agony worth it?" I think about it for a few seconds before responding to her.

"But what if it just gets worse? What if it's agony now and - and it's just hell later on?" I say thinking about what the future might hold.

"Then think about something Winston Churchill once said - "if you're going through hell, -" I cut her off by finishing the rest of the quote.

"- keep going" I smile. I say a quick thank you and exit the room. I close the door behind me a sigh. My phone vibrates in my pocket, and I take it out to answer the call.

"Hey, Erica."

"Amelia. Are you busy right now?"

"No. I just left the guidance counsellors office."

"I need you to come here as fast as you can" I feel another short vibrate and look at the message. It was an address. I reply with an okay and leave the school building and get in my car. It takes me a while to get to the building as I didn't know where it was exactly. I finally find the building and enter it. As I walk in, I see Erica and Boyd standing opposite Derek. I stand next to Erica as they continue speaking.

"Tonight," Erica says not hesitating.

"Everyone is going to be at the game. And we figured it would be the best time." Boyd says finishing Erica's sentence off.

"It's not like we want to."

"What do you want?" Derek replies to what Erica had just said.

"Since I just turned sixteen a month ago, I wouldn't mind getting my license. I can't do that if I'm dead, you know." I had no idea what was going on, but I had a few ideas to what it might be about.