Tell Me I'm A Screwed Up Mess

Chapter 5

i sat there looking at the many notifications i had. wondering weather i should open them or not. suddenly the environment around me disappeared it was just me. alone. again. i clicked on the notifications and it took me to the photo i uploaded. 

what the hell this is such a fake lol.

why would you even joke about that you freak 

you would never meet one direction you're too ugly 

and weird 

and lesbian i heard?

oh my gawd, totes stole Louis swag! NOW STOP PRETENDING TO BE BESTIES WITH MY HUBBY! 

this is just shame… 

i looked at each one for a long time. i can't believe this. i'm not even in New York and they still hate me. i was tagged in a status 

Kara you stupid bitch. you're fat and ugly. stop making it seem as if you're yestfriends with Harry go die you low life bitch. 

now there was some comments, but lets not get into them. i read the status over and over again. 

..die you low life bitch..

i've always wondered how'd they feel if i did do it, ya know, suicide. 

would they fell bad? happy? sad? victorious? who knows. i stared at the phone. Suddenly I was the most talked about tpereson in New York. But why!? 

everything zoned back to normal when i heard Harry's voice saying my name. 

"Kara, are you okay?" he asked with concern in his voice. thats when i felt tears prickle my eyes. oh jesus. my bottom lip started to quiver. 

"yeah i'm fine, but i need to get home" i said forcing my voice not to crack. i stood up. "Nice meeting you guys, i'l see you's around" i smiled and waved 

"Bye, Kara" they all said and waved. 

Harry walked me to the door. 

"promise me you're okay" He said standing in the door way, refusing to let me leave.

no harry, i can't promise, i'm not okay, help me!

"Harry, i'm fine. " i said bluntly blinking back the tears 

"well it doesn't seem like you are" he said still looking at me. 

"Harry Styles, i  solemnly swear that there is nothing wrong" i told him. he slowly removed himself from the door way. we said our good byes and as soon as my back was towards the flat. i couldn't contain my tears they flowed and flowed and flowed. i don't understand why everyone hates me so much. i walked inside running up the stairs running into my room and locking the door. 

"Kara? are you okay?" my mums concerned voice rang through the door. i slumped on my back on the bed. 

"i'm fine mum" i said string at the roof, the lump in my throat made it sore. i looked over to see a shaver. i stared at it. 

i could end my life at any given moment. i know i could. but i won't mums already had dad leave and i'm not making her life shit just because mine is. i looked away from the shaver.

the shiny blades glinted in the light. i looked over again. 

i can't do this, what will the boys think? more importantly, what will Harry think? 

i watched. the blades are haunting me. i can't look away. i'm being sucked into a black whole of addiction to this. and theres nothing i can do to stop it. 

i wrapped a thick bandage around my wrist and laid in bed. it was about 8:30 at night. and i think it's time for sleep. i slowly drifted off. sleep swallowing me like a giant sea creature the could inhale me without even knowing. 

i walked into Harry's flat "hey you!" i say happily and hug him which he returns and we walk in together. "pfft it's a bit hot." i say taking off my jumper 

"whats that? on your arms?" Harry says grabbing my arms. and looking horrified."how could you do this!?"

"Harry, i'll tell you everything"

"no i'm leaving you" he said standing in front of me. 

"no but you can't" i said. his words continued to echo. then suddenly the room morphed into a school ground. i was being chased laughed at. and then someone tripped me. i fell to the floor. words were thrown at me and hit me like a gun shot. i laid paralysed enable to breath as the all closed in on me. 

i woke up sweating like crazy. nightmares suck. especially when they feel so real! damn it! i got up and went for a shower. changing into some jeans and a wooly white jumper. The time was about 7:30 i shoved my phone in my pocket and walked down stairs. I chucked on my white vans and walked into the kitchen to find a note 'going out. i'll be back late so spend the day with Harry? xoxo mum' 

now a mum that is never home begins now.. i sighed grabbing some spare keys and walking over to Harry's place. 

i stood at the porch and knocked on the door to find a smiling Liam. "Well good morning sunshine!" he said 

"good morning" i grinned. noticing he looked very dressed up 

"Kara's here!" he yelled to the boys. i walked in behind Liam to find all the boys dressed up. 

"Hello Kara Care Bear" Louis said hugging me. i silently awe'd at him. thats probably the cutest thing anyone has ever said to me. 

"Hello Louis Boo Bear?" i said half a question not sure if i could call him that. i heard him 'aw' and let go of me. he smiled and walked away. 

i walked over sitting next to Harry who was on the computer. 

"Hello, Harrison" i said nudging him. he laughed and then looked over at me. ahhh those big warm, green eyes!

"It's Harry!" he said poking me. i laughed. 

"what are you doing today?" i asked i asked smiling brightly

"we're going to do an interview and performance down in the city" He replied. 

"oh" i said looking down "well, can i see you when you get back?" i asked 

"you should come with us" Zayn suggested 

"yeah! Please come Kara!" Harry pleaded 

"nah, well i dunno. i can just wait at home it's fine" i said 

"please bestest friend since birth!" he said looking over at me with wide puppy dog eyes pouting like crazy 

"fiiine! but i'm not going on stage!" i said firmly. they all cheered and hurried me a long into the car. 

Jesus this is going to be a long day! 

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WOO TWO CHAPTERS IN ONE DAY 

hehehe