Sanky Panky Pirate BOOK PREVIEW

Pickup Line 2: That's the finest pirate booty I've ever laid eyes on

Pickup Line 2:

That’s the finest pirate booty I’ve ever laid eyes on

A few months later, I was working at José O’Shay’s at the bar and getting piss drunk as I tried to forget about what had happened to my baby sister. Rule Number One if you want to be a good bartender – Don’t Drink. Screw it! I thought as I poured myself a shot of rum and downed it in one gulp. “Ah!”

Amano and Moreno were at the bar keeping me company and they exchanged a worried look. “Machete, should you really be drinking so much? You’re working right now…” Amano began tentatively.

“Screw it. I don’t give a damn.” I slurred as I poured myself another shot of rum and gulped it down. Some people cried to relieve their grief – I got drunk. This is just the way I deal with my grief so cut me some slack.

“Hermano, bro, I know you’re in pain but I think you’ve had enough.” Moreno was saying as he made a grab for my rum bottle.

The fastest hands in the Dominican Republic missed. I moved my bottle swiftly to the side and gawked at Moreno. That asshole…just tried to steal my rum! Didn’t he realize I just wanted to forget? That I wanted this pain in my heart to disappear? How much did my poor mother have to suffer in this world because of her wayward sons before God was satisfied? It was partly my fault Mom had it so rough. If she didn’t have us she could have married some rich merchant. She could have been happy. She could have lived a pampered life and worn beautiful silk dresses. She could have lived life smiling instead of crying…

As Moreno and I struggled with the rum bottle Mercurius and his crew entered the bar. My eyes were immediately drawn to him. Mercurius!? This was the bastard merchant who had gotten my mother pregnant! I still couldn’t believe my mother had chosen him as her client in the first place. Mercurius was an old man, at least over sixty. He was fat, unattractive, had a round, pink, pig-like face, and a balding head. He wore a lot of flashy gold jewelry consisting of a thick gold chain around his neck, a matching gold bracelet, and I could see the gold chain of a pocket watch that was in his vest pocket. Mercurius liked to flash his wealth around since it made him feel like a big shot. “Mercurius…that bastard. What’s he doing here?” There’s nothing to be celebrating tonight. I grit my teeth. Perverted old man…at his age instead of sleeping with whores he should be meditating and trying to find enlightenment. I’m surprised he can still get it up! He probably had to drink a whole lot of Mama Juana…

Mama Juana – a drink concocted in the Dominican Republic by allowing rum, red wine and honey to soak in a bottle with tree bark and herbs. The taste is similar to port wine and the color ranges from honey-colored to deep red. Mama Juana is rumored to be an aphrodisiac and many dominicans claim that it works. It is also said to have medicinal properties.

Moreno was able to easily take the rum bottle away from me since the arrival of Mercurius and his men had distracted me. Moreno and Amano exchanged a worried look. They both knew my hot-blooded temper well—

Uh oh.

They were right to be worried. To my credit I tried to remain calm. I went over to Mercurius and his crew to take their orders. “May I take your order, Sir?” I asked him.

Mercurius looked up from the drink menu. “Bushwhacker.”

I nodded. “Right away, Sir.” I mixed Mercurius his fancy, strong, tropical drink that had at least five different kinds of alcohol in it and even put a fuckin pink umbrella in it. “Here’s your drink, Sir.” I said as I set the drink down before him, grinding my teeth.

Mercurius raised an eyebrow at my hostile attitude, shrugged and drank. His crew ordered various drinks, which I prepared, skillfully. Even Mercurius was impressed by my bartending skills. I caught him watching me like a hawk. “Hmm you’re pretty good at mixing drinks, kid. What’s your name?” He asked me swirling his drink thoughtfully.